Podcast

E123 God’s Rescue from Severe Anxiety, Depression, and Psychosis: Maria Morgan
[00:00:00]
Cold Open
Maria: I felt like I was losing my mind, I had a hard time reading my Bible because again, from my distorted viewpoint, I saw on the pages of scripture just condemnation. You can see how the enemy was getting a foothold in my life, it was so overwhelming, that it did get to the point that I attempted to take my life. Satan wants you to feel like you are the only Christian who has ever experienced this, and that you are a bad Christian, and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Welcome to the Podcast
Welcome to the Unshakable Hope podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kelly Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions, such as how do I trust God’s heart when His ways and delays are breaking mine? We’ll hear from people just like you and me who have experienced God’s faithfulness when [00:01:00] life didn’t unfold as they expected.
My prayer is that God would renew our hope in His Word and His love through these conversations.
Meet Maria Morgan
Kelly: hey, friends. My guess is that every single one of us cares about someone or is someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression.
Kelly: My guest today is Maria Morgan. She will share with us how her life, a seemingly normal life full of faith, was hijacked by deep emotional responses to trauma that eventually led to two suicide attempts and nine months of psychosis, and then how God completely and fully rescued her and walked her into the freedom and peace that can only be found through Jesus.
Kelly: If you, even if your loved one is walking through a different type of story, I fully believe and pray that God will use the story today to breathe a [00:02:00] fiery and fierce hope into places of your weariness. I know my own heart was filled with a deeper trust in our redemptive God with whom nothing is impossible as I read her story.
Kelly: Maria’s book is Hope Ignited: Set Free From the Grip of Anxiety and Depression. She is an award-winning author of a children’s series called Louie the Lawnmower, that sounds adorable, and Outrageously Fruitful, a women’s Bible study. Hope Ignited is her newly released book, and I love the cover.
Kelly: You gotta check it out. It reflects her passion for helping women find freedom through a faith-centered holistic approach to healing that addresses the body, soul, and spirit. She lives in Georgia with her husband Steve and their playful pets who bring laughter and creativity to her journey. Maria, welcome to the podcast.
Kelly: I am so glad you’re here.
Maria: Thank you so much for having me, Kelly. It is truly an [00:03:00] honor.
Kelly: I mentioned this earlier, but we see God’s tender and powerful redemptive heart throughout your story, and it, so encouraging to see His power displayed and His faithfulness walking you and your family out of so much trauma and confusion, right?
Kelly: Because y’all didn’t even know what was going on, into places of wholeness and healing. So I’m really excited about this conversation.
The First Anxiety Episode (2006)
Kelly: I just want to start with how you suddenly became aware of anxiety. It had probably been a part of your life, but you hadn’t been able to put a name to it until, uh, something happened in 2006, so let’s start there.
Maria: Yes. So back in 2006 I was in a car accident. It was nothing horrible. I did have a little bit of soft tissue damage in my neck, a few things out of place that were fixed by a chiropractor eventually. But the main thing that happened was more mental I really struggled with my thinking at that point.
Maria: There was something off and [00:04:00] I didn’t know what was going on. I felt like I was losing my mind, and it was just a ramped-up sense of anxiety that eventually developed into depression. At that time, it took about nine months for the whole episode of anxiety and depression to be resolved. So it was really through the Lord’s help, my husband, family very supportive, same thing with my friends, were very supportive.
Maria: I was seeing a Christian counselor at the time. She was excellent. Had a little bit of medication at the beginning there to stabilize me. But I came through that season r and recovered, but the thing that was interesting was we never really figured out what the root cause was that triggered that episode.
Maria: Mm-hmm. So here I am, nine months down the road, everything is getting back to normal as we would say, but I never really [00:05:00] figured out what was it that led me down that path.
Kelly: And I want to say we talk about this a lot , on this podcast. It’s so healing when God uncovers the root cause, when He allows us to put language to that and he meets us in that place because then these deeper layers are healed, and so it changes how we live.
Kelly: Absolutely. And so that did happen in your life but not until 2021 when something else triggered something that was even much deeper.
The Return of Anxiety (2020)
Maria: Yes. So I’ll tell you a little bit about that timeframe. So we’re talking 14 years later, so I had been, back to ministry, back to doing all the things that I love doing working alongside my husband.
Maria: And then in October of 2020, we had the opportunity to take care of my mother-in-law who was going through dementia. So it was wonderful to be able to honor her in that way [00:06:00] during that time in her life. We only had her for about three months in our home, but as you know, a lot of times with folks who have dementia there can be some conflict.
Maria: So i- it was really for reasons that I didn’t understand, that conflict that I would see was overwhelming to me and I began feeling at that point anxious and a little bit down. But I fully thought after her stay ended, we took my mother-in-law to another one of my husband’s siblings to stay, I felt, I thought that those feelings would go away.
Maria: And unfortunately they didn’t. It actually got much worse. At the time, I thought, “Well, if I just jump back into all of the things that I was doing.” Yeah. So I was leading an online Bible study. I was doing a prayer team. My husband and I were teaching a middle school Sunday school class at the time. [00:07:00] So those were all things that I thought if I just get back to, again, what I viewed as normal, that would pass.
Maria: Yeah. But it didn’t. And like I said, it did get much, much worse. And slowly over the course of that year, so now we’re into 2022 I found it difficult to engage with friends, family, and even my husband Steve. It became very difficult to communicate much beyond talking about the weather , talking about the pets, things like that.
Maria: I didn’t really want to share the feelings, those things that I was thinking So I stepped back from all ministry at that point, and I was really… To be honest with you, Kelly, I had a hard time reading my Bible because again, from my distorted viewpoint, I saw on the pages of scripture just condemnation.
Maria: So you can see how [00:08:00] the enemy was getting a foothold in my life, and it was so bad, so overwhelming, that it did get to the point that I attempted to take my life.
Maria, I’m so sorry this was a part of your story, but thank you. Thank you so much for the courage to put this into a book which is so full of hope and resources. I think it’s helpful to point out that there was a deep change happening within you that confused you.
It was hard for you to sort through, it was hard for you to put words to, so you silenced the pain and didn’t talk to anyone about it. You bring out in the book that because it wasn’t brought into the light, it gave the enemy a place where he could lie to you, and in the darkness and in the silence, it was very easy for you to believe the lies.
Maria: yes.
Descent into Psychosis
Kelly: And I want us to go through some of the lies that you believed, but I know you attempted to take your life twice, and then you descended into a type of [00:09:00] psychosis which I didn’t understand, but your book explained it very well.
Kelly: Can you explain what that was like for you?
Maria: Yes. And just for our listeners, if they’re not familiar with psychosis, I just wanna give a, a simple definition. Sure. So it’s living in an altered state where reality really becomes distorted by delusions, and it can even be hallucinations. So that’s where I was.
Maria: I had created my own reality based on things, based on my distorted thinking, and I lived in that world really pushing against what was real and adopting the things that were not real. So during that time of psychosis, which actually came over me following the second attempt I still was not sleeping well, so I was very exhausted.
Maria: I was [00:10:00] terrified at that point. You know, it was so dark and lonely, and there was a lack of hope. It was very hopeless at that point. I didn’t trust anyone but myself. And if you think about, again, the deception there, Proverbs 3:5 and 6 tells us to trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding.
Maria: But at that time, I was so afraid that I didn’t trust anybody but myself. Mm-hmm. So that’s where I was. I really believed that my husband our friends, my family were all trying to do away with me. And again, looking back on it now I can see where my thinking was really I was punishing myself or thinking poorly of myself and projecting those thoughts on others because I was so ashamed of the [00:11:00] attempts to take my life that I projected that onto other people and what they were attempting to do to me.
Maria: So I was convinced uh, because I had tr- attempted to take my life that my husband was either planning to divorce me or he was planning to do away with me, and it was… Again, that psychosis was about a nine-month time period, and my thinking was so clouded with irrational thoughts that I s- I remember spending hours, my days were literally consumed with online searches of all of these conspiracy theories that I thought were taking place, just to give you an example.
Maria: So I thought that my husband was poisoning our food. And I thought that he was doing something, that he had set up some elaborate system in our garage to make the water that we would buy from the store, the bottled water in the case, um, he would put that on the landing in the garage, and I thought [00:12:00] that there was something that he was doing mechanically that was altering the composition of the water, and I found things online to support my case.
Maria: So it was wild things like that. I even took apart the back of the refrigerator to figure out what it was that he was doing to the refrigerator to poison the food or to make the food spoil. Just things like that. Even I can think of the dryer, the washer and dryer. I thought that the water that was coming into our washer was like refuse, for lack of a better word.
Maria: So I, you know, I was trying to think, “Okay, how can I make it so that clean water is coming in to those pipes?” And the dryer, I thought, oh, he had rigged that so that the clothes weren’t drying all the way, so there were microbes that could get on the clothes and harm me somehow. So I had all of these wild thoughts that were [00:13:00] going on.
Kelly: Hmm.
Maria: Things that don’t make sense in any way. I would clean the house and just sterilize the floors to counteract all of those effects. I thought he was putting microbes on the pets, and they would track those into the house. So By the time I entered psychosis, the odd thing was that it probably kept me alive because I no longer wanted to end my life at that point.
Maria: I was certain that I would go to hell if I died so I did not want to end my life at that point. As bad as things were, I had a drive to stay alive because I feared what hell would be like. Mm-hmm. And something about psychosis also that’s important to understand is that your senses are affected by psychosis so you’re [00:14:00] not thinking properly and there is kind of a disconnect, between your thoughts or your, um, just your brain and how it allows you sensors allows your senses to respond.
Maria: So I had heightened awareness with things like sound. I had to keep everything turned way down because sound really bothered me. My taste was affected and it made me think that food was being poisoned. It tasted different. Even water tasted different. Hmm. Um, all of those things. Touch I had a consistent feeling like electricity was going through my hands when I would touch, like my husband when he would try to hold my hand I would feel that electricity.
Maria: So it was just a very unusual time in all of those sensory things I guess escalated-
Kelly: Right …
Maria: the conspiracy theories. [00:15:00]
Kelly: Yeah. Yeah.
Maria: Wow. So it was a very difficult time.
Kelly: So difficult, and for your family who loved you so much and your husband- Yeah. yeah …. who, who saw you one way and suddenly you became another person and you didn’t trust him.
Kelly: And we’ll, I wanna talk about the distrust but we’ll wait for a minute because there were some things rooted in your childhood that caused that. But I want to go back to something you just mentioned that one of your, the biggest lies- Mm-hmm .. was that you did not have assurance of salvation. You did not believe you were worthy of God’s love.
Kelly: You felt like you had forfeited it. I mean, it wasn’t rational at all and that was probably the biggest lie at the root of your life is that your salvation wasn’t secured and you weren’t unconditionally loved by God
The Lies That Took Root
Maria: Absolutely. And I can tell you that the first lie that I believed that started the whole spiral was that I was unworthy to teach that online [00:16:00] study, the Bible study that I was doing, because I was comparing myself in all these different areas.
Maria: , The book was Comparison Girl by Shannon Popkin, and I felt, “I am unworthy to teach this because I’m doing exactly what the author is talking about that I shouldn’t be doing.” And of course, God’s word tells us that when we compare ourselves to others, that’s not a wise thing to do. We’re not supposed to do that.
Maria: So I guess I would say that that began the spiral down, and all of those lies got to that horrible place of feeling like, well, if I have attempted to take my life, then I must not be saved.
Maria: And my actions, especially during psychosis, were such that my husband actually said, “It’s almost, Maria, like you are a negative,” if you’re thinking about old-timey pictures.
Maria: You’re the [00:17:00] negative of who you were prior to going into anxiety and depression.
Kelly: Oh,
Maria: wow. So I had been, the, the good wife, good mom, all of the things, and now I was exactly the opposite, and I had a temper like you wouldn’t believe. I was so cruel to my husband. Like you had, had mentioned, I was accusing him of all of these things, and it was just a result of that fear that I am not saved.
Maria: I could never be saved, and Satan again in his, clever deception, um, I thought of myself as Pharaoh. , My heart had been hardened and now there was nothing I could do to to rectify the situation. Right. And there is some truth in that because there was nothing I could do. Christ had already done [00:18:00] everything- Yeah
Maria: for my salvation. But I felt like I had to earn back, I had to get back into the good graces of God-
Kelly: Yeah …
Maria: which is not accurate.
Kelly: Right, , the condemnation you were hearing- Yep … is the opposite of what we hear from God. And as you read the word, you were reading it through the lens of condemnation rather than what Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Kelly: I’m so grateful that God rescued you from this false perception of what was going on. He brought you back into reality and, I think I would like for you to share, even though this is a little bit out of order, the lie that God revealed to your husband what was really , maybe at the very root of all of this, and it came- Mm-hmm
Kelly: out of your childhood. Can you sh- Yes … share a little bit about that?
Root Cause: Childhood & a Father’s Alcoholism
Maria: Absolutely. So [00:19:00] I was raised in a home where my dad ended up because of his circumstances, he had chronic health issues and it affected his job to the extent that he had to go on medical disability when I was fairly young. So all of that led him to begin drinking.
Maria: So that alcoholism was what became the catalyst, if you will, to all of the mistrust that developed in my life, that became the root cause of the anxiety and depression. When I would see conflict in our home it would– I would shut down.
Maria: So I would try to deflect that anger in a couple of different ways.
Maria: One was by just not saying anything, by trying [00:20:00] to do all of the things that my dad would, would say here’s what…” You know, be the good girl ultimately. So, so just do the things that would please him. Yeah. Yeah. And then the other thing was change the subject, divert the attention so that I’m not the one who would be the recipient of his wrath.
Kelly: Right.
Maria: So, so in that way w- my husband, just by God’s grace, was given that wisdom that it was a result of growing up like that and Not being able to deal with conflict in a healthy way-
Kelly: Yeah …
Maria: that got me to the place of that anxiety and depression and that episode that was just so horrible.
Kelly: Right, and so the tr- the distrust that began to be rooted in your heart, uh, that is spilled over into your relationship with God, your relationship with husband eh, it, with your [00:21:00] husband.
Kelly: In every arena it spilled out. And I think it’s just really good for us to know that God heals us. God is a soul healer. He is- Yeah … our Yahweh Rapha who heals us. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Rapha’s a Hebrew word that means healing. He is the great physician, and he is always about reaching deep down into our soul and bringing us into places of healing.
Kelly: And so I love that he gave your husband insight to understand the root cause, and you are able to put words to that and be healed of it. Now I’m gonna go back into your story because the Holy Spirit spoke to Steve in such a powerful way. He did not know what to do but he was praying and praying, and he realized you had all these irrational thoughts.
Kelly: And he came up with a brilliant, holy inspired courageous bold idea that God used to rescue you from that place. So tell us about how that worked.
The Day of Truth
Maria: Yes. Yes. [00:22:00] So back on August 11th of 2023, it, things came to a head, and I had been withholding all of those irrational thoughts from him because I knew just from some of the things that he said that I was very close to him putting me in a residential facility.
Maria: He really had no other options, , by this point. And I pretended the, that I, I was doing well when indeed I wasn’t. So August 11th comes, and he had gotten me a beautiful ring for our anniversary, our 33rd anniversary, and he asked me why I wasn’t wearing it. And that night I finally told him the reason why I wasn’t wearing it.
Maria: I felt like, again, one of the conspiracy theories, that the metal of the ring was burning my hand and that it was doing something to change the composition of my body. So h- he just looked at me like, “I [00:23:00] cannot believe that you believe this, that we’re, I thought we had moved so far from square one, and we’re back, right back there again.”
Maria: So he told me that he was going to capture all of those irrational thoughts that I had just spewed out, and he was gonna call a day of truth for for me He had our pastor and his wife come over, and also four other couples who had walked our journey with us. They didn’t know all the details, but they had been involved throughout that time period.
Maria: And he said, “I’m gonna have them come over and pray with you and share scripture with you.” Mm-hmm. And that, Kelli, that terrified me.
Kelly: Oh, I
Maria: bet. Because I had not expressed the depths of my thoughts, and I was terrified of what they would think of me. It was ultimately the best thing that could’ve happened because [00:24:00] bringing things that are kept hidden into the light is what God used to begin that process of setting me free.
Kelly: Hmm.
Maria: When that was shared with the people that came that day and they prayed over me and they shared scripture with me, I witnessed unconditional love. They did not ridicule me for my concerns. And at that point I was sharing, “I’m afraid that I’m not saved and there’s nothing I can do.” So it was just such a, so, so much grace from God to take my mind that was completely shut and all of that darkness in there and show me through the love of these people His love.
Maria: They were just the conduit, so He was flowing His love through them, and it opened that door to my [00:25:00] mind just a little bit, just enough to let light back in, and that was hope. Yeah. There was hope, and my husband could see that. After that conversation, he told me, “Maria, you know, I can see that there is something that changed in you, so we’re going to take that residential facility piece off the table, and I’m going to go ahead and break that list of irrational thoughts down into four different categories.
Maria: And I want you to get together with the ladies that were there that day either by phone or in person, however you want to do it, and I want you to tell them weekly how you’re doing in each one of those categories.”
Kelly: Mm-hmm.
Maria: So you take the person who has been lying and not telling the truth, accusing my husband…
Maria: And now I have to be accountable and tell the truth to these other people. It was huge. [00:26:00] Huge. It was
Kelly: huge. Absolutely huge. John 1 tells us that Jesus’ light shines into the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it. And that is a verse that has brought me so much hope as I have prayed for different people that I love, as I’m just wanting God to break through.
Kelly: It’s his light and love. And so as you experienced that, it broke through the deepest lie in your heart, that you were not worthy- Yes … that God’s love had been taken away from you, it opened the door to the truth that- Yeah … oh my goodness, I really could still be unconditionally l- loved.
Kelly: Yeah. And I could actually be saved, and nothing has broken- That- … God’s love off of me. And so- Yeah … , as you continued to walk in community in honesty rather than silence because you were walking in honestly with these people who loved you and who were safe, they were safe people-
Maria: Yeah …
Kelly: God walked you into healing.
The Power of Community & Truth
Kelly: I want to mention [00:27:00] one thing. Your husband mentioned the residential facility, and that was- Yeah … just because he thought that was the only way you could be rescued. So he was still completely for you. He was out to rescue you. He wasn’t walking away from you. He was fully committed to you, and the way God gave him strength to care for you through this- Yeah
Kelly: time is so beautiful. And that speaks to me as a caregiver, that the Holy Spirit can strengthen me and give me His insight in my caregiving to understand the hearts of those that I care for. So that was powerful. Yeah.
Maria: Yes, and he, Kelly, from the beginning, he was committed to getting me whatever help I needed.
Maria: And there was a time period after the second attempt that he took five weeks off from work because he was in sales and had to travel extensively. So really after the first attempt, he had worked it out so that [00:28:00] he didn’t have to travel as much. There were still times that he did have to travel, but then , my daughter and her husband would come and they would stay with me.
Maria: But by that time after the second attempt, he realized, “I need to just step away and focus on this, figure out what is going on.” Took me to all the doctors that he could think of that might be able to help, neurologists to see if there was something physical going on.
Kelly: Yeah.
Maria: Um, the whole, whole nine yards.
Kelly: Yeah. Such a wonderful example of love and support
Maria: Absolutely.
Kelly: I wanted to mention a verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5 which says, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God. We take every thought captive to obey Christ.” And I just want to mention that your story illustrates that verse so beautifully, that you are learning through the [00:29:00] Holy Spirit, through communal support, through unconditional love.
Kelly: You are learning to take every thought captive. And as you did, you were destroying these lies, these arguments against the goodness of God.
Maria: Yes, and I would have to say, Kelly, too, that, that one of the things that I would not have told you that I believed was that suicide was the unpardonable sin. So I had never been taught that but obviously, you can tell just from how, what I’ve told you today and from reading the book, obviously, that, I was living that way.
Maria: So in spite of what I would have told you I thought, my actions were different. So when it came to the point of overthrowing those lies, I remember again this was one of the gals who I was accountable to. – She had invited me over to hear a lesson that she was gonna be teaching at our ladies meeting, which I had [00:30:00] not attended the previous year.
Maria: But she said, “I want you to come and listen to this,” and it happened to be on redemption. Mm. So she shared her lesson with me and I told her, you know, “Shannon, I know all of these things. I know all of this but I don’t feel it.”
Kelly: Hmm.
Maria: Because of what I had done, that trying to take my life and that of a believer, those two things in my mind just did not go together.
Maria: I could not reconcile that. Hm. So she looked at me and said something I’ll never forget. “Maria, God can forgive any sin. Is there anything too big that He can’t forgive?” And I knew the right answer but I was like, you know that is true. There is nothing that he can’t forgive. So if I am, in this place, I have to either say He is right Or I am right, and I know that I’m [00:31:00] not right.
Maria: So that was just another step in the process of that door to my mind swinging open a little bit more and letting more light in, and more light.
Kelly: Yes. I actually, because of what you just shared, I want to read what you wrote at a point in your life when a big breakthrough did happen.
Kelly: It was when you fully surrendered.
Breakthrough: Full Surrender
Kelly: This was so beautifully written that I’m actually just gonna read this part. So you write, “The choice was clear. I trust you, Lord. I no longer want to live by these irrational beliefs. I wanna be free. And as I spoke the words aloud, something broke.
Kelly: The Lord instantly lifted the lingering weight of anxiety and depression. The chains of fear and doubt shattered. A dam of tension burst, releasing everything that had been trapped inside for so long. Tears flowed as I lifted my hands in surrender. My heart was filled with peace.” “For the first time in years, nothing [00:32:00] stood between me and my savior.
Kelly: When I opened my hands in surrender, the Lord brought healing.” It just almost brings- Yeah … tears to my eyes. It’s so- Hm … beautiful of how deep the healing was.
Maria: Yes, and I describe it as a pipe that was clogged. It was like that vertical pipe between the Lord and I had gotten clogged. There was still room for water to flow, but just trickles.
Maria: And at that point when I realized I’m not the only one who has dealt with this, there are people in books that I’ve read, there’s this friend of mine that has, you know, dealt with anxiety and depression. Wow, Lord. Okay, I have a decision to make. It’s either continue in that irrational belief living that way according to those rules, and trying to control everything myself, [00:33:00] or open my hands in surrender and allow him to do what he does, is control be sovereign over that situation.
Maria: Yeah. , And work, renew my trust. I remember to this day what that was like just having that. It was that weight just disappeared, the clog was removed, and now there was sweet communion- Oh … with the Lord. And I wasn’t ashamed anymore because He already knew. He already knew, and He had forgiven me.
Kelly: I think it’s so important that you use the word surrender and you use the word shame. Because that’s at the root of so much. The enemy- Yeah … lies to us. Like, you didn’t even believe That someone who died by suicide, that would send you to hell. You knew salvation is secure in Christ. Yeah.
Maria: Yes.
Kelly: But yet the enemy locks us in [00:34:00] shame, and I, I just love how God allowed you through the light of His love, and through the unconditional love of a community of people around you. Yeah. He allowed you to believe, to experience His love and He completely healed you and set you free.
Kelly: You were so stuck, and that … And I just … There is always hope for us. It’s never hopeless. Your story- Right … is a testament to that.
Kelly: One thing you shared in the book, which I thought was really interesting is your husband was a big worship guy. You guys were in ministry. You love to worship. Mm-hmm. But suddenly, just like you described reading the Bible, you were reading it through a lens of condemnation, worship also became a place that you couldn’t go to because of the lies.
Worship & the Enemy’s Deception
Kelly: You even missed one of your husband’s worship conferences that you would have normally been a part of. Talk to us about what that was like and then how God released you from those [00:35:00] lies.
Maria: Yes. So yeah, my husband had worked with a lot of people, young people for the most part, from our church, and he had put together a Good Friday concert right before Easter.
Maria: And of course, as you know, that would take a lot of planning. So he was involved in coming up with the songs for that day re- you know, having the rehearsals, doing all of the things. He actually took his recording equipment to the church and set it up that day and did the run-through practice and stayed late after the concert.
Maria: So it was something that I had a conflict going on inside me. It was pride in the fact that he is very good at what he does, and I was so proud of the great job that he did. Even though I chose not to attend in person, I did [00:36:00] tune into the live stream. So I was listening to it while I was furiously cleaning our bathroom, and I just remember tears running down my face hearing these songs.
Maria: And the, the thing that really bothered me about music at that time was I knew that the words were true, but because I felt that I was not saved, I felt like, “This is what I’m gonna miss.”
Kelly: Hmm. ”
Maria: This is what I’m going to miss out on in eternity,” and I could not handle that.
Kelly: Yeah.
Maria: So even when I would be home alone and the w- the silence would be overwhelming and I would turn on Christian radio I could only listen for a short amount of time before I would have to turn it off again because of that feeling.
Maria: So there was the condemnation mixed with I, I want [00:37:00] that, but I- I’ve done something so bad that I can no longer have that.
Kelly: Mm. Wow.
Maria: So, so that’s what was going on in my mind. Yeah. So I was proud of my husband for all that he had done about that with the concert, but I was also angry in some ways because he had chosen that over me, if that makes sense.
Kelly: Hm.
Maria: It was an odd, , battle going on within.
Kelly: Again, just a false perception of reality. Yes. One of the things that you realized too as you were dealing with these lies is that they weren’t random lies. They attacked two areas of your life that were very specific.
Maria: Absolutely. Yeah, so Satan used the lies around who my Heavenly Father was.
Maria: He attacked his identity and also attacked who I was in Christ. So those [00:38:00] were the two areas that I really felt like he was working overtime in.
. So if we spend time just focusing, just rehearsing scripture that reminds us of who God is and who we are, that is a, a very powerful weapon against the enemy and against the lies.
Maria: Yes.
Kelly: We can ask the question, “What do I know is true?” And that’s what rescued you, as the Lord just led you into truth. Yes. He led you out of the lies, He led you out of the psychosis, and He led you to believe that you really are the person that God loves- Yes
Kelly: that God created, that God saved, and that He would never walk away from you. So I want- Definitely … you to think as we close, think about that person that is walking through a time of feeling depressed and anxious. Hmm. And maybe they’re believing the lies that they’re unworthy and that they can’t be rescued, or maybe [00:39:00] even speak to the caregiver.
Kelly: Maybe you could do both.
Encouragement for the Journey
Maria: Yes. All of us have experienced anxiety or depression at some level.
Kelly: Yes.
Maria: So you are not alone-
Kelly: Absolutely …
Maria: in your struggle.
Maria: Satan wants you to feel like you are the only Christian who has ever experienced this, and because you’re experiencing this it means that you are a bad Christian, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. It is a struggle. It’s a a trial like any other trial that we go through, and we can know that trials are designed to bring us closer to the Lord.
Maria: And I, I think about Romans 8:28, 29, that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose. But verse 29 goes on to say, “For the, the purpose is that [00:40:00] we are conformed to His image.” So even in that difficult place, the Lord is drawing you to Him and working things out so that you will look more like Him on the other side of that trial.
Maria: Be, very careful that you do not isolate yourself. Be in community. Community is so important. Share your struggles with those, somebody that you trust, whether it’s a spouse or a family member, friend. Be sure to be open and honest about how you’re feeling so that they can help and provide for you. I think of Galatians 6:2 that talks about sharing or bearing one another’s burdens.
Maria: It’s so important for us to be honest so that the Devil doesn’t get a foothold in our lives.
Kelly: I want to close with, , one verse that speaks of God’s love. First of all, I’ll just mention the end of Romans [00:41:00] 8, you were quoting Romans 8:28 and 29, but at the very end it says, “Nothing can separate us from God’s love,” not the enemy, not demons, not hard things, nothing.
Kelly: Nothing at all. Nothing that we’ve done can diminish God’s love for us. We cannot be snatched from the Father’s hand. And Zephaniah 3:17 just has a beautiful description of God singing His love songs over us, so I’m gonna close us with this scripture.
Kelly: The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save. He rejoices over you with gladness. He will quiet you with His love. He will exalt over you with loud singing. And so as you go about the rest of your day today, I just want to encourage each one of us to open our hearts to hear the song of rejoicing and love that our great big God, our Savior, our Redeemer, is singing over us.
Kelly: He is the redeemer of our stories, and [00:42:00] there’s no story that He cannot redeem. Thanks Maria.
Maria: Thank you.
Kelly: Maria’s book again is Hope Ignited: Set Free from the Grip of Anxiety and Depression. You can go to her website, mariaimorgan.com, and download the first two chapters free. And maybe as you were listening, God put someone on your heart who might benefit from what we’ve talked about today.
Kelly: I just wanna say thank you for sharing His hope with a friend.
Kelly: For additional encouragement, I wanted to mention that I’ve included several related episodes in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. You can follow this podcast or sign up on my website so you don’t miss any of the episodes. God bless you.
Outro & Resources
If you were encouraged in your faith today, i’d love to hear from you. You can reach out through my website, kellyhall.org, and pick up some free resources while you’re there. Thanks for listening to the Unshakable Hope podcast