Podcast

Discovering Hope in our Delays. Kelly and Hannah

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Unshakable Hope Podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kellie Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions, such as how do I trust God’s heart when His ways and delays are breaking mine? We’ll hear from people just like you and me, who have experienced God’s faithfulness when life didn’t unfold as they expected.

My prayer is that God would renew our hope in His word and His love through these conversations.

Kelly: Hey friends, today I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I was a guest on my friend Hannah Baldwin’s podcast called Living from the Overflow. We talked about cultivating hope through our long delays for her holiday series.

So today I’m sharing that interview with you. I think it’s gonna be really encouraging. It’s a timely message. We share some personal stories about waiting on the Lord and [00:01:00] how God showed up in powerful, humbling, and amazing ways. And then in the last 20 minutes or so, Hannah just does a beautiful job bringing it all home,

connecting our hearts to his in the struggles we face in the holiday seasons. I know all of us are walking through a mixture of griefs and joys, but it seems the hard things we’re dealing with get exaggerated during the holidays. So, whatever you may be walking through today, I pray your heart will be encouraged and comforted by this message, and that you’ll experience the Lord’s tenderness and care throughout this season.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Hannah: Well, hello and welcome to the Living from the Overflow podcast. My name is Hannah and today we have my friend and fellow podcaster, Ms. Kelly Hall on the episode with us. And I’m so excited to have you here with us today, Kelly.

Kelly: Thank you. I can’t believe I’m finally here. So excited. [00:02:00]

Hannah: Yeah. I’m super excited too.

Kelly had me on her podcast, Unshakeable Hope, earlier in the summer, and we had. So much fun together co teaching the word and putting God’s heart on display together. And that was that was so much fun. So I’m absolutely elated that she is on this episode with us because today is the first day of our holiday series and I’m gonna have a couple different guests on The podcast to just help us focus our hearts on what really matters as we seek to navigate and steward the holiday season in a way that fosters healing and hope and growth in a season where culturally that’s really not available.

And so just how we can look to the word and to one another and community and, and the Holy spirit and how we can navigate this season in a way that generates love. health. And so I’m so excited, Kelly, that you agreed to come on today to help me kick off the series. So before we dive [00:03:00] into what the Lord has laid on your heart to teach today, let’s gather together and acknowledge the Holy Spirit, because if he’s not in the conversation and if he’s not leading it, it is not a conversation worth having.

So, will you all join me in prayer? Holy Spirit, we acknowledge you and we are so thankful for your presence. We are thankful for the way that when we are weak, your power is made perfect. And that when we walk through hard seasons and hard situations, that you are right there beside us, counseling us and advocating for us.

And so as Kelly and I kick off this series on stewarding our hearts well throughout the holidays, I pray. And I ask that you. that as you go before us, you would make your heart and your presence known in a way that draws us close to you and draws us close to the father and helps us to possess and [00:04:00] impart the heart of the father in a season where culturally things are kind of crazy.

Schedules are kind of crazy. The demands on our time are crazy. And I just pray that you would use this conversation and the power of your word to settle our hearts. And to center our hearts on what really matters. It’s in your name I pray, Amen.

Kelly: Amen. Hmm. That’s beautiful.

Hannah: Yeah. Well, he’s just so good to us.

And you know, Kelly and I met through a mutual friend who doesn’t even live in the same state as us and it’s just kind of, it’s one of those like beautiful unfoldings of how intentional the Lord is. in our lives. And I’m just so grateful for that. And so Kelly, I feel like I know you pretty well, but our listeners don’t.

So why don’t you share a little bit about yourself, the ministry the Lord has called you to, and where he has your heart these days. [00:05:00]

Kelly: Yeah, okay. I will. I am so excited as we’ve already said to be on this podcast with Hannah. Oh my gosh, this girl brings the Holy Spirit fire when we are teaching the Bible together.

It’s so dang much fun. There were three episodes that we did together last summer on my podcast and It was a blast. So anyway, a little bit about me. I’ve been in ministry for many, many years. God called me probably when I was 14. And then again, when I was 30, and I have taught Bible study for three plus decades and I’ve been in women’s ministry leadership for many, many years.

I’ve written a Bible study called courageous faith. That is framed around Proverbs 6. And that came out of the 20 years of chaos of parenting my kids. You’re gonna hear just a little bit about that today. And also then God called me to start a podcast, which was terribly frightening. [00:06:00] And I just had to really question God about that.

But I just put out the 65th episode. So we’re plugging along.

Hannah: You’re 65th one. Yeah. Kelly, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.

Kelly: Thank you. I have been reminded by a friend of mine to celebrate the victories. And so I’ve been celebrating that with the Lord. It’s a lot of work, but I’m so thankful for the people that have so generously shared their stories and the impact that these stories have had on others.

The question we always seek to answer is how do I trust God’s heart when his ways and delays break mine? And so we have a lot of authentic faith conversations and a lot of really cool god’s faithful type of stories So I I love it really encourages me But what i’d like to do for your listeners is give an overview of our family story because it’s pretty complex So it’s going to be really brief But we have four.

My [00:07:00] husband and I have been married about 38 years. I say about because who knows who can count that high. So about we have four adult children and they don’t like it when I call them children. So I’ve tried to start saying we have four adult offspring. I’m not quite sure what to do with that. Our youngest are twins.

Our kids are pretty close together in age. Our son was only two when the twins were born and our oldest was five. So, It was quite it was a pretty difficult few years and what makes our story really challenging is that all three of our girls, so my son is in the middle of the oldest and the twins, he is not hearing impaired, but all three of the girls are profoundly deaf, which means that they could hear nothing with hearing aids.

They had to receive cochlear implants at one point. My oldest was seven when she got hers, the twins were two. And so they are able to speak, but it creates a lot of challenges [00:08:00] in, in their life as adults, as adults and in working environments, two of them are married, two of them live with us. Six years ago we moved to Arizona, so here’s the one of the other pieces that makes our story complex is that that’s when all three of our girls were also diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease, and we just lived through a medical nightmare.

That’s, it’s just horrid, and I know you understand that. I also want to add that my husband was a fighter pilot in the Air Force. He’s still a pilot. So we moved every two to three years. And every time we moved, I had to set up special services for our girls. It was incredibly challenging and was just an environment that created all kinds of fear and panic and control freak issues in my life.

And the other thing is that all of our girls have some sensory issues. But the thing that causes me the greatest heartache today is that one of these dear daughters who is [00:09:00] 31 Remains medically challenged. See I still get choked up. It’s such a hard place. Hmm She remains neurologically challenged.

Some of these things may have happened when she was really young. It may not be related to the Lyme. We really don’t know. So we continue to pray for healing for her and support her in her journey. And, and so our story remains unresolved. And that’s why so much of what I talk about is how do we trust God when our hearts are breaking?

How do we trust him when we’re waiting for our prayers to be answered? How do we trust him when we’re scared to death and lies about him and lies about ourselves Impact our hearts so much when we’re waiting in those places

Hannah: Your normal everyday life has such unique challenges that honestly, a lot of us do not have to navigate and as somebody who’s observed from the sidelines, like, I just want to encourage you that whether or not you feel like you’re an [00:10:00] inspiration, you are, because the fact that your heart is so soft, still, and so tender to, toward the hardship, it’s, it’s such a testimony that you’ve not hardened or calloused yourself as a way to muscle your way through, but you’ve stayed dependent upon the Lord.

Amen. Amen. Amen. And that is not something that a lot of us can say because if anyone is like me, my past tendencies have been to shut down and numb myself through whatever, like different, different

Kelly: copings. Right.

Hannah: I don’t have to feel the feelings cause it’s a lot but that is something I am watching you navigate so raw ly and so beautifully and I learned a lot just from hearing how you talk about your family and your story.

So thank you for your authenticity in that.

Kelly: Thank you so much for sharing that because it is just an everyday thing for us. I don’t hear that very often and I really appreciate hearing it. And it does remind me that that is one of my constant prayers for the Lord. You know, I’ve been through all the range of [00:11:00] emotions too, and I’ve been offended at God and I’ve been angry at God and I’ve been close to.

Becoming bitter and I’m so grateful that God has shown me in his word and through his spirit how to navigate those places and remain tender and humble before him that it really is someone who can be trusted in the deepest heartaches of our life. And so that’s what I feel like my whole ministry is, is a warrior for the weary.

So what I wanted to do today, there’s so many stories I could go to, but I thought we’d go to a few little places in Moses life because I have been strengthened by the Lord continually in certain aspects of Moses life, in my waiting periods and in places where I had fear and in places where lots of lies settled in.

And so I’m just going to dive into one portion of Moses life, but I’m going to do it in an unusual way. So [00:12:00] I’m going to Acts seven, and this is actually my favorite speech in the entire Bible.

Hannah: I’m going to be an acts is like, did not see that coming

Kelly: every time my husband and I read through the Bible, he always says, Oh, today’s your favorite speech. So, Stephen, the Bible describes him as a man full of God’s grace and power. He performed miraculous deeds and wonderful signs. He was deeply impacting the community for Christ. And the context is Jesus had already ascended.

The Holy Spirit had come. The Word of God is spreading. The church is growing by leaps and bounds, miraculously spreading across the continents. And the opposition is also growing, as you would expect. And so the opposition hates Stephen and hates the things about him that point to Christ. And so they hire these guys to lie.

And there’s kind of a trial, [00:13:00] a mock trial. But right before the trial starts, The Bible says that Stephen’s face was radiant, like the face of an angel. I mean, he is so filled with the Holy Spirit. So he reminds me of Moses in this way, because remember Moses had a radiant face every time he spent time with the Lord and began to cover it with the veil.

But this just shows how intimate. Stephen was with the Lord. So the guy who the Sanhedrin says, Hey, are all these accusations true? And of course he does not answer yes or no, but he gives the greatest speech in the entire Bible. I think. And I would say that if you are about to start reading through the Bible and starting at the beginning, I would tell you to read.

Acts 7 first, because he gives you the most beautiful overview of the history of the Israelites and he shows you why the Old Testament connects to the New Testament and how it connects to Jesus. So it’s just brilliant. But [00:14:00] in the part about Moses, you know, he describes Moses as being a baby that was special and he was rescued.

Of course, we all know this story. The baby was laid in the basket by his mom, put in the reeds by Pharaoh’s daughter. The daughter adopts Moses, but in just one of the most beautiful, creative provisions of God, Moses is given back to the mom. Pharaoh’s daughter doesn’t know this is actually his mom, but she gets to nurse him and spend the next few years with him as he grows.

But what we learn in this speech by Stephen is that Moses received a world class education in all areas of science, architecture, language, everything you can imagine, this is one of the best schools in the world, and that he was also powerful in speech and action, and he knew God. So the part of the story we jumped to is Moses was 40 years old.

He [00:15:00] visited the Hebrews. He was a Hebrew. He knew he was. He saw a Hebrew slave being mistreated. He kills the Egyptian. And Stephen in his speech in Acts 7 says in verse 25, Moses thought his own people would realize God was using him to rescue them. And so we get a glimpse into the truth that Moses, he was obviously A leader who obviously had a strong sense of justice, had some kind of knowledge that God was calling him to rescue the Hebrews from slavery.

During the 40 years he’s there, he’s married he becomes married, he has kids, and he works as a shepherd. And all of this happens before that burning bush moment we’re all so familiar with when God shows up and then actually does call him to go back to Egypt. So murdering the Egyptian, just want to make this really clear, that was not God’s plan.

Okay, murder’s not how we’re rescuing these people. Don’t do that. But you know what I find so [00:16:00] Amazing and awe inspiring and helpful for me is you look at this guy, okay, he’s 80 years old, and you just think, really, God, 80 year old guy, that’s your perfect plan? Really? The shepherd, the dirty shepherd who’s 80 years old?

I mean, none of us are coming up with a plan like that to rescue the Israelites, right? We, picture the deliverer like, you know, Jason Bourne or Tom Cruise, not the 80 year old dirty guy dressed like a shepherd. Yeah. You’re

Hannah: so funny. It’s

Kelly: so true. I love it so much because it is super good news for people like me, like most of us who get freaked out by really long delays.

Right? We feel like we’ve missed the boat. We feel like it’s too late for us. We feel like God’s done with us. But in Moses life, I mean, we discovered that, hey, 80 years old, that’s not too late to join God in the biggest adventure of your life. So [00:17:00] that’s, that’s encouraging. But what I really wanted to focus on are the lies and the fears and the panic that invade our heart during really long delays.

For me, as a mom with hearing impaired kids, I can’t tell you, Hannah, how I always felt like we were behind the power curve. You know, the language delays are huge. Every, all these other kids, they’re learning words right and left, all they have to do is hear them. Every single thing my kids learned had to be intentionally taught to them by me, repeated multiple, multiple times over long periods of times before they got it.

So I felt this huge. Burden of responsibility and I always felt like we’re late. We’re late. We’re late. How are they ever gonna learn God’s word? How are they ever gonna learn to follow him? How are my kids ever gonna learn to do anything productive? How are they gonna learn language? How are they gonna make it in this world?

I mean I could go [00:18:00] down a fear panic trail that never ended Yeah, and when our twins were born And I looked at them and realized, well, we didn’t find out until they were two weeks old.

Hannah: Yeah.

Kelly: And I was pretty sure that they wouldn’t be deaf. So it was more devastating than I can convey. But more than anything, I, I felt so much panic at the idea.

Like, our oldest daughter is 5, and her speech is completely unintelligible, and it takes every ounce of my patience to have a conversation with her, and all of my focus, like, I can’t talk to her while I’m doing dishes, or cooking, or taking care of the twins, or my 2 year old son, who is potty training, and so,

Hannah: I can only imagine, you know, I am not saying my situation was the same as yours, but one of my kids had significant speech delays and had made up their own language.

And like another sibling would [00:19:00] interpret for me what the other sibling was saying. To the point where even like some of my, and I don’t, this is not shaming anyone just like to paint the picture, but like some of my family really struggled to want to help watch the kids cause they didn’t want to offend the child who had made up their own, like their own language.

Like they’re like, I don’t want to not understand and frustrate and like, and draw attention, like, I just, I don’t want them to feel bad. I can’t understand. I’m like, Oh, it’s okay. Just ask this child, this child will interpret for you. But just like the. The stress that you carry of like that, it literally is all eggs in one basket when that one child is talking.

You cannot focus on anything else. In the level of services and therapy and intentionality and all of that it is, it feels like everything else has to be put on the shelf so you can help this one child thrive and flourish. And then I can only imagine when your twins are born, like, I feel like I would have had a similar thought, not like, Oh, I’ve done this.

I know what to do. I’m like, Oh my gosh, I’ve already done this. I know what [00:20:00] I’m, what I’m up against. And this feels like a lot and it’s not just one, it’s two. And I just, that is so much Kelly.

Kelly: Yes, and I can remember this one time when I was so afraid because I looked at her and I didn’t feel like we’d really gotten anywhere.

Yeah, there was no, no spoken words that you could understand and language was still so very delayed. And I thought if that’s where we are in 5 years with. These two kids.

Hannah: Yeah.

Kelly: How is there any hope for a future? And I kind of freaked out and panicked and my, I was talking to my husband and my voice was rising in intensity and volume.

And he said, don’t you know, God loves you? And I almost rolled my eyes like,

Hannah: I’m like, if my husband said that to me in a moment of panic, I probably would have like, I punched his arm or something right now, even though it’s supposed to be.

Kelly: Oh, and I [00:21:00] think the thought that stuck with me was, well, why doesn’t that help you?

Like, why isn’t that helpful? To know that God loves you. And so I went in the house and this was a huge breakthrough moment for me. I was so scared. I was so panicked. I was so afraid. This long delay and I saw a much longer delay right in front of us with really no hope inn sight. I hadn’t seen any hope. And I just started pouring out my heart to God.

And as I did. God began to pour his truth into me and remind me of his promises, and remind me how much he loved these girls, and remind me that he had never left me or forsaken me, and that he had gone before me. He already held a solution in his hands. And as I remembered those truths, my heart began to fill with hope.

and with peace. And that was the first time, Hannah, I really understood in a distinct, clear way that wrestling through our fears is absolutely the only way to find hope in God.

Hannah: Yeah, I love that. I’m just [00:22:00] thinking about your story and how that was such a pivotal moment in your faith And how anybody can glean from that especially as we’re in the holidays It’s like that truth of like being honest with God taking the the time like this is how I’m feeling about this situation or this family member or this stressor or this job or or this this trial or this Challenge or this trauma or this tragedy, whatever it may be like the only way To, to overcome is to walk right through it.

Kelly: Mm hmm. Yeah, that is so true. And I love Deuteronomy 31 8. It’s one of my favorite scriptures, but it says for the Lord himself goes before you. Just a reminder, that one phrase goes before you. That reminds us that God’s outside of time. That it’s never too late with him, never, when we’re panicking and afraid because of a time crunch, he’s saying to us, you’re bound by time, but I’m not, I’m outside of time.

I already [00:23:00] see how all this is going to work out. And then he says, I’ll be with you. I’ll never leave you or forsake you. So don’t be afraid and don’t be discouraged. And so even as we’re imagining our holidays and what All the pressure that maybe we put on ourselves. Maybe other people do and, and the conflicts that we might have with some family members, just to remember that God is bigger than that.

And he has already gone before you and he can cover that and give you wisdom and give you love and. And make a way where there is no way that’s so comforting. Mm hmm.

Hannah: Yeah, I’m in a season in my own life where before I get out of bed every morning, I’m thanking God. Like, I’m, I’m thanking him. It’s, it’s intentional.

I don’t want to make this sound like it’s something that’s not. I’m deciding to thank God. I am not, it’s not just this like, involuntary response. Hopefully I’ll get there. But, like, I am intentionally thanking him for characteristics that he [00:24:00] displays. I’m not thanking him for things that he’s done for me.

Although there’s nothing wrong for that. But, like, I’m in a season where I’m being called to focus on his heart. And, and his character. And his His promises and so just even this one verse like thank you that you go before me Thank you that you’re with me. Thank you. You never leave me. Thank you. You never abandon me Thank you that I don’t have to be afraid or discouraged and it’s like immediately setting the tone for my Entire morning and my day and we can do this in the holidays We can do this when we’re faced with news that our two week old twins are also profoundly deaf, like whether the tragedy is monumental or whether it is a minor inconvenience, God’s word sees us through any and every circumstance.

Kelly: Yeah. And there are some phrases that I have put together that really helped me in dealing with long delays. And I’m, I just want to [00:25:00] add that I know for my twins birthdays, that stirs up a lot of grief because I look at how far we still haven’t come. And I know that that’s true for a lot of people at Christmas time.

That stirs up a lot of grief. Either a family member’s not there or something has happened in life. Something has unfolded that is not at all. What you would have wanted. Yeah. So just that one scripture, I’m holding that up, but just to remember that God is always at work, always at work. He has not abandoned us.

He hasn’t left us. That’s a great comfort. And also that God’s timing is always perfect. It’s not random or haphazard. It’s not based on his mood. He didn’t wake up one morning thinking, Oh yeah, that Moses guy, let’s reschedule the burning bush for today. Kind of left him there. I mean, you know, he never abandons us.

He never leaves us. And one of the things that helps me so much when I think about Moses 40 year delay is that [00:26:00] that’s never a plan we would have come up with. Like we can’t even wrap our minds around. The perfect timing for you, my dear is a 40 year delay. Okay. So that’s going to be great. God’s going to come through for you.

Okay. So we’ve been waiting 37 years. For some of our prayers to be answered. And I just want to say that we’re not waiting alone. Our hope is not way out there. It is right here and right now because God is actively working in our lives in every area that concerns our heart every minute of every day in ways that we don’t even understand.

We can’t even see it. And his timing. Really is perfect. And when we look at his care for the Israelites, the Bible says in Exodus 12, verse 40, the Israelites lived in Egypt 430 years and then in 41, at the end of 430 years, to the very day, all the [00:27:00] Lord’s people left Egypt. God’s timing was perfect. And when I think of to the very day moments, God has those in my life and in your life and in all of our lives.

His plans are purposeful and they’re exact. They’re not haphazard, they’re not random. He has not forgotten about you, and none of the pain in your life takes him by surprise. I love Isaiah 46, 9, that says, He is God and there is no other. He is God and there’s no one like Him. And then as you continue to read through that passage, we’re just reminded that No one can stand in his way, and his purposes and plans absolutely will be accomplished.

I can’t tell you how many times in my long delays I have camped out on that one scripture to remember God knows the future. He holds our lives in his hands. He is going to see that his very good plans for our family are carried out. [00:28:00] And so, let me just tell you a story about fear. And another story where I was waiting on God’s timing, and I had been praying and praying, praying.

How are these kids ever going to learn to talk? How are we ever going to get there? And God led us to the perfect school, the perfect plan in St. Louis. The only thing not perfect about it was that my husband was a fighter pilot, and he couldn’t move there. And so we had to move without him. Oh, wow. It was a really difficult decision.

I was moving with four little kids. The twins were only a year old. They weren’t, of course, they weren’t talking. A week after we moved in, my oldest daughter received, had surgery to receive her cochlear implant. It was pretty traumatic all the way around in so many ways. And we lived there for a year and a half without my husband going to this school.

And My husband would be able to come home on weekends for the first year, and then he had to move to his [00:29:00] next assignment. They didn’t let him move there, which was what our plan was all along, that we would be reunited, but we weren’t. And so, but this school was the answer to all my prayers, because we had only been there about, My oldest daughter had received her cochlear implant in the summer, got it turned on six weeks later after the wound healed, and then went to school, and it wasn’t two months later before we were having actual conversations, our first conversations ever in her whole life.

Hannah: So, Kelly, can you explain to us what a cochlear implant allows for somebody who is not able to hear? What does that, what changes does that allow?

Kelly: Sure. Yeah, that’s such a good question. Thanks for asking. So, hearing aids amplify sound. Our girls could hear nothing with hearing aids. We were still having to stomp on the floor to get my oldest daughter’s attention.

That’s how unhelpful hearing aids were. The thing about cochlear implants is they actually do surgery. They take a [00:30:00] titanium length, they put it inside the cochlea, which is a coiled thing that contains hair cells. Their hair cells did not work. And This is connected to a computer, which is external. They wear it like a hearing aid.

They also have a coil that attaches to a magnet and sits on their skull, which feeds information to the titanium insert that is inside their cochlea. And so the hair cells, the hearing hair cells are stimulated in 22 different places, and they can adjust each of those places. Therefore, the sound that they hear is more like natural sound than amplified sound.

They actually get tone and pitch. And that’s why a lot of kids who have had cochlear implants for a long time, you can tell their speech is different, but they still have tone and pitch and quality that you don’t get with hearing aids. Wow.

Hannah: I had no, I had no [00:31:00] idea. And it makes a lot of sense I feel like with not knowing anything about what a surgery like that would entail with how intricate and how many moving pieces and how detailed, like it makes a lot of sense how something like that, even if it went smoothly, could still be like very traumatic.

And I’m, I’m just sitting over here absorbing what that must’ve been like for your family and for you to be doing it alone. Like that’s. That’s so much.

Kelly: It was so hard. But my husband’s very first day at this new assignment was that day. And I thought it would be no big deal. So you know, Hey, it’s no big deal.

Just go start. It’s no big deal. I moved in, my mom had come to help, but so she actually was with me, but I was in the hospital and we had just moved there. And you know, when you’re in transition, things are hard. Nothing is settled, and then you add all of this unknown with doctors you’ve never met in a hospital you’ve never been in, in a community you’ve never lived [00:32:00] in.

It was terribly overwhelming, and she had a lot of pain after the surgery, and it was really difficult for her. She had a lot of swelling, a lot of pain. You get half your head shaved, and just the recovery was really, really long. And we don’t know what happened. Why exactly, but anyway so she did start talking and then over time, the twins also got these implants and my husband was there.

I told him I’m never doing this alone again, you’re going to be with me. They had surgery on the same day and they were in the first group of 100 kids at the age of two after the FDA had lowered the acceptable age for implant to two. And so we were on the news and all of this and it was. A big deal, but I was very grateful.

My husband was there. The funny thing is after the surgery, their heads are all bandaged with these really thick things. And then they said, okay, now, don’t let them run around. [00:33:00] Okay, you’re jumping on the hospital beds and jumping from 1 bed to the next and I’m just like, oh, my gosh, I am freaking out. Yeah, but they, they were fine anyway.

And, getting it that early was really huge. Their speech is just grew quite quickly, being able to hear early on, but it was still quite challenging. So, I wanted to stay at that school, right? All my prayers are answered here. This is the perfect place to be. Everybody I was friends with, they lived in the area.

Their kids were doing great. They had the piece that they had a schedule. They had a place. They had a plan that was going to work and they didn’t have to be afraid. But my husband called me and said, the Air Force isn’t going to let me move there. There’s a shortage of fighter pilots and I’m going to have to go to Utah.

That’s my assignment. And so we were in St. Louis. And I just hung up the phone and I immediately thought of Isaiah [00:34:00] 55, which says, God’s plans and ways are so much higher than ours. But I remember being really afraid and wondering how this was going to work out. I’m not going to go in the whole story, but I will tell you that God called me to give up that school.

And it was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole entire life. It was so hard for me to trust that God could meet their needs apart from that school. But he did call our family to be reunited. And so there we were in Utah. This is where the fear came in big time. So I’m in Utah with the kids. My husband is deploying all the time to the Middle East as an F 16 pilot.

My friends would call me from the perfect school and tell me how their perfect kids were doing so perfectly. And as I would hang up,

That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s how it landed.

So I became scared again and then they would ask me this question, well, how’s Lee doing? And I would say, well, he’s in the Middle East and there would be silence. Okay, so [00:35:00] you moved away from this school, this perfect school with the perfect plan so that you could be reunited with your husband and your husband’s not even there.

And I was like, Exactly. Why the heck am I even here? This doesn’t even make sense. And so all the fear and worry and panic just rose up inside me on this particular day after I hung up the phone and I said to God, I don’t even know why I’m here. I could actually just pack up the kids, drive to St. Louis, stay at my friend’s house.

They could go to the perfect school with the perfect plan. And my husband wouldn’t even have to know until he arrived home and we weren’t here. So it’s really no big deal, right?

Hannah: I’m very curious what God’s answer to you was.

Kelly: Well believe it or not, it wasn’t to run away.

And so I said, but God, I know I have taken these into my own hands lots of times before it didn’t go well. I hated it. And so I don’t want to do that again. So I humble myself before you. Only thing that makes sense is going back [00:36:00] to that school. But I feel like you’ve called me to stay here, but I really need you to tell me again very, very clearly that I’m supposed to be here because I cannot believe it’s true right now.

And so that night, my husband actually called me from the Middle East and I, we just talked. I didn’t tell him I had plans to run away, but I did say. say, would you please pray that I’m supposed to be here because I’m having a really hard time believing that this place with the not so great schools, this is where God’s called us to be.

And so he said, Oh yeah, I’ll pray. And so I got off the phone, I kept praying. The word God gave me was wait. And the verse he gave me was Isaiah 40, 29 through 31. And I’m just going to read it. And I know many of us are familiar with this, but it says he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord [00:37:00] will renew their strength. They’ll soar on wings like eagles, they’ll run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. And so I felt the Lord telling me, wait where you are. I will strengthen you. I will provide for your girls in ways that don’t make sense, but just wait.

And I was, I was very tentatively and non courageously holding onto that word from God. And that very morning, when I got up the next morning, I saw an email from Lee and he said, you know, I’ve been praying for you and I’ve been doing this Bible study with some friends and the verse guide, the chapter of God brought to mind was Isaiah 40, which is exactly where that verse is.

So I love it. Okay, God, well, I hear God telling me and affirming to me that I need to wait. So yeah, that was, that was good news, but in my mind, it’s kind of like the image of an 80 year old shepherd dude going, really? [00:38:00] That’s your great big plan. You know, it doesn’t make any sense. Doesn’t make any sense.

But here, here are just some truths I’m going to close this portion out with that God’s timing is always perfect. His plans are perfect and they’re also purposeful and part of his purposeful perfect plans are built in delays. We will have long delays as he guides us on his journey for us, delays are the plan.

We shouldn’t be surprised by them. We should just lean on him and seek to navigate those plans and not run away from the plan and get his, his voice and his word. So the lie in my heart was this. God, you’re not able to take care of my kids. God, you don’t care enough to take care of my kids. And the more you repeat that in our long delays, the more it seems like truth.

But God just kept showing me, Kelly, my power is not [00:39:00] diminished by delays. You see that 40 year delay in Moses life. My power was not diminished at all. I was doing a thing. There was a work I was doing. It was purposeful.

Hannah: Well, I think so often we view like God’s delaying his timing when really like our understanding of his timing was what was off.

Like, Yeah. Yeah. You know, and our, our expectations were not in alignment and like what we thought the outcome would be is different and he’s like, I, that’s not what I told you, or that’s not what I meant for you to take from what I told you, you know, and it’s like to come back to this place of like, God is inside and outside of time, and just because it feels like a delay to us, it does not equate that it’s a delay from God, like that God is delaying in, like God does not delay in fulfilling His promises.

He’s patient and He’s kind and He will, in His grace and mercy, use hard circumstances. In a [00:40:00] redemptive way, we see that all throughout scripture, but I think if we’re not careful like what you’re saying happened to you can so easily happen to all of us and it’s not a one and done lesson. Like I have to learn this lesson.

Repeatedly. But when things don’t go the way we expect them to, or in the timetable, we expected they would like, we kind of have one of two options. One, we can take matters into our own hands because we’re disappointed in the current outcome or two. We can rely on the Lord and wait on the Lord, sing his praises, sit in his truth, thank him for his character and his goodness.

And believe it or not, one way is more beneficial than the other.

Kelly: Yes. That is so true. Well said. I wanted to lay out another scripture too, that gave me a lot of hope. Psalm 121 just has this phrase in it that says, I am your keeper. God just says God will keep you. God is your keeper. And so to remember [00:41:00] that God is keeping me.

God is caring for me. I don’t have to keep myself. Yeah, it is so hard to believe. And if you’ve been traumatized or experienced abandonment to believe. That you don’t have to fight for yourself that there is a God who loves you and is caring for you in so much with so much detail and intimacy. It’s hard to believe is so hard to believe it, but he never leaves us.

He’ll never forsake us. And I’ll tell you that even in Utah, he provided for our kids, even in that place, even though it was less than ideal. They’re not behind today because we went there for three years.

Hannah: Yeah, I love that.

Kelly: And I think that what you described that you’re describing the ways that God sanctifies and redeems our waiting periods Yeah I can say that one of the things he did for me was he purified my hopes my hopes weren’t [00:42:00] in the perfect plan Or the perfect school or the perfect teacher.

They were in the perfect God, and that required a lot of wrestling and a lot of dependency on him and a lot of worshiping and a lot of spending time with him. But he really does strengthen our faith in those waiting seasons. He teaches us to trust him in places that don’t make sense, right?

Hannah: Yeah, so I feel led to clarify what we’re not saying Okay, so like don’t hear what we’re not saying what Kelly and I are not saying is we are not saying God inflicts Trials and that God inflicts pain and God inflicts trials on our lives to teach us a lesson or to sanctify us I really don’t believe that’s his heart because That would, that would fall into the same category of he inflicts abuse or world hunger or, you know, all these horrific things.

However, because God is gracious and merciful, when we look at [00:43:00] Genesis 50, 20 has been an anchor verse for me for. Years and you know, Joseph went through hell on earth before his promise came to fruition. Like he had dreams as a young child of what his life was going to look like and in the natural, it was a big delay and massive detours and it was trial after trial after trial and hardship after hardship after hardship until finally he did take.

Place of leadership over the nation and anyway, his brothers, if you’re not familiar with the story, his brothers played a big part in his delay or his seemingly delay. And at the end of his story, when he’s forgiving his brothers, he’s basically releasing them from. Like his right to bitterness over them and saying, you know, what you intended for evil, the Lord has used for good and for the saving of many lives.

So we have a very real and present enemy. There are people on this earth who are in alignment with the enemy and are not in alignment with God. And so really hard things. Can happen. However, because God is [00:44:00] gracious, he redeems those hard things and he reveals his heart in those hard things. And he’ll even allow those hard things to reveal to us lies.

We’ve believed about him or unhealthy coping mechanisms that we’ve turned to, or like, if you’re anything like me and Kelly, some control issues, we might still be hanging on to, you know, like he will use you. Those hard things for good, but that is not the same as he causes those hard things to teach us a lesson.

That’s just not, that is not his heart. And so that is definitely not what we’re saying. So I just wanted to clarify there because that is something for me. And Kelly, feel free to chime in too, but for me, getting that right in my head and in my heart was very pivotal and monumental in walking through trials differently and healing from trauma and trials in a way that actually points correctly to the father’s heart and enables me to trust him within, in, in.

In times and in seasons and in circumstances that really just don’t make sense to me, but I know I can trust [00:45:00] his heart.

Kelly: I’m so glad you brought that up. And I, I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned from the story of Joseph and how I even wanted to teach that today. But I thought, I don’t have time. So glad you brought that up.

You know, it’s actually one of the first stories I remember learning as a child. Where I just saw the goodness and the sovereignty of God, even in these horrible situations. And Carol McCracken, who is the co host of Faith Over Fear podcast, she summarizes what you just said with this statement. God is not the author of evil.

But he is the redeemer of all things.

Hannah: Oh, I love that. That’s so good. Yeah. Can you say that again?

Kelly: Yeah. God is not the author of evil, but he is the redeemer of all things. And that’s exactly what we see in the story of Joseph. That’s what we see in Moses long delays. And that’s what we see in our own [00:46:00] lives.

Hannah: I just even think like if we were going to grab onto a truth, like that would be a really good. Truth to grab onto and meditate on, especially like the holidays have such a unique way of drawing whatever’s deep inside our hearts to the surface. And so if we’re in a really healthy season, it’s the holidays are wonderful and they feel magical and ripe for making beautiful memories.

If we’re walking through something hard and, or we have unhealed trauma and hurts and wounds in our hearts, the holidays are a little bit more on the difficult side. But remembering that God’s not the generator of evil, but he’s the one, how does she say it?

Kelly: He’s not the author of evil, but he is the redeemer of all things.

Hannah: Yes. And like, just remembering that God didn’t inflict this pain upon me. He wants to redeem this for me. Like, it’s just Just that mindset shift of who God actually is and what his heart actually is. I feel is like that’s gold [00:47:00] in navigating the hard seasons and navigating the holidays in a way where if we’re feeling like we’re in a season of delay or constant disappointment, just speaking truth over our own heart of like, God can redeem this and God is going to redeem us.

Cause that’s, that’s what he does.

Kelly: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Oh, so good. Just one thing I wanted to add is the timing is always, God will always use it for our best and for his greatest glory. And so that’s one thing that can help our perspective. It can help reframe what feels like. An interminable and unnecessary can I say unnecessary again delay in our lives is knowing that there will be a day when this will end and we’re going to look at it and we’re going to say.

1. I am so in love with the way God redeemed this story, and we’re so gonna, I’m so enamored by the way I see his glory [00:48:00] playing out here and the way he’s impacted other people through our pain. And I think that’s one thing that has helped my husband and I so much is just praying, God, whatever you do, don’t waste this pain.

Don’t want to feel like it’s haphazard. Right.

Hannah: Yeah. The other day I was I’m just praying. I’m just working through some things in my own life and I don’t know where this thought came from, but I was like, I don’t need to feel hopeless over what I’m working through because the Lord’s either going to redeem it or he’s going to redeem it.

Like there is no in between. It’s like he’s either going to redeem it in a way where I will see it on this side of heaven or when I get to the other side of heaven and I am fully with him, it’s going to be completely redeemed. And I was like, what a beautiful hope. We have what a beautiful anchor we have that whatever we face on the side of heaven is literally the worst It’s ever gonna get for us as believers but like we don’t have to [00:49:00] walk through this life of like It’ll all be fine when we get to heaven someday.

It’s like No, like it’s really all going to be glorious and it’s all going to be perfectly redeemed And the lord the redemption we see on this side of heaven They’re all glimpses of the glory that is yet to come And like we can be excited about that and we can be celebratory about that. Like I was so convicted Like that I don’t celebrate things for myself very well And I love that, you know full circle you had said that at the beginning of our time together and so in this season You I’m like trying so hard to be intentional about celebrating even to like the silliest things like my son and I were headed to an orthodontics appointment for him and we were a little bit late and I do not like to be a little bit late.

I don’t even like to be on time. I always like to be early. So I’m like, I’m like a little bit. Stressing. And my son doesn’t like to be late either, but we were hitting like all these green lights and he just had this huge smile on his face and he’s like, [00:50:00] mom, it’s like, God knows it’s very stressful for us to be late.

And I was like, I know when. So like, and we just started like thanking God and like celebrating together. And then I was also able to tell my son, I’m like, sometimes when we’re late, like that’s actually a blessing and I’m trying so hard in my mind. To be thankful for that. Like, okay, maybe I missed an accident on this major highway system because I was a couple of minutes late.

Or maybe the Lord is orchestrating a holy moment for me that I otherwise would have missed because I was so focused on my own timetable and like, I can celebrate being late because like, it’s really, it’s just an opportunity to take something that would usually cause me to go into negativity and frustration and instead turn it and fix it on the Lord.

And walk in celebration and such like a very simplistic mundane area of life. But I have found for me, and I know this is true for you too, that when we do this and the very simplistic small moments of our days, it cultivates that like mental muscle and that spiritual muscle for when the [00:51:00] bigger moments come, where we are well prepared to steward them well and celebrate our way through them.

So

Kelly: that’s so true. I love that. Thank you.

Hannah: Yeah, you’re welcome. Well, Miss Kelly, thank you so much for joining us today. And you guys, seriously, you have to check out her podcast. It is Unshakeable Hope. You will hear story after story after story and teaching after teaching after teaching of all the reasons why we can hang on to hope when we just feel anything but hopeful.

And so that is an amazing resource for you in this holiday season. So Kelly, before we say goodbye, would you do us the honor of closing us out in prayer today? Absolutely.

Father, we come before you with humble hearts. We are so thankful that we are entering into the holiday season, Thanksgiving and Christmas, where you’re.

You start to become more centered more in the [00:52:00] middle of our thoughts. We’re thinking about holidays the father I specifically want to pray that in every one of our hearts that Christ would be exalted above all things And for those of us like myself who are about to walk into a season in certain days, which will stir up additional grief just reminders of prayers that haven’t been answered.

I pray for us that we would be strengthened in your spirit and we just Thank you that we don’t have to wait for heaven to experience your peace. I pray father that for a monumental, powerful movement of your spirit that just unleashes peace and joy over our hearts in ways that we don’t even understand, that you would stir up celebrations.

In your spirit, and you would even open our eyes to help us see what you’re up to in the places where our hearts are just longing for breakthrough. So, Father, I pray for [00:53:00] comfort for those of us who are still waiting, for those of us who are hurting. I pray for comfort for those who may be facing a difficult time.

A holiday season where they have family members who don’t get along, and that breaks their heart as well. Pray for unity, for peace. Pray Jesus that your name would be lifted up, that your kingdom would come, and your will be done in these places in ways that excite us. I just pray Lord for all of us who may be in waiting seasons that you would encourage us through your spirit that you are with us and you are for us that you already see beyond this moment of uncertainty into a place where our pain has ended and also you are allowing us to experience your peace.

and presence and joy, even now, even today. And so we pray all of this [00:54:00] in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.

Thank you, Kelly. Yeah, I’m so grateful you were able to join us and help kick off our holiday series and lead us into the presence and into truth. And I’m Just feeling so grateful. So thank you so very much.

Kelly: This was so encouraging for my heart. I just love remembering these things that God has used to carry me through.

Hannah: Yeah. Yeah. He’s so good like that. So good. Well, my friends, as always, thank you for joining the conversation and leaning into the Holy Spirit and what he has to say. I pray this equipped, inspired, and encouraged you and until next time, I’ll see you later.

If you were encouraged in your faith today, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out through my website, kelly hall. org and pick up some free [00:55:00] resources while you’re there. Thanks for listening to the unshakable whole podcast.