Podcast

Trusting God’s Plans Through Widowhood and Beyond. Virginia Grounds

[00:00:00]

Welcome to the Unshakable whole podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kelly Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions such as, how do I trust God’s heart when his ways and delays are breaking mind? We’ll hear from people just like you and me who have experienced God’s faithfulness when life didn’t unfold as they expected my prayers, that God would renew our hope and his word and his love through these conversations.

Kelly: Well hey friends. I’m so glad you’re here and I’m wondering how many of you are longing. To hear from God today, how many of us are walking through times of loss or transitions and just really needing to hear God speak to us and encourage us and guide us.

Kelly: John 10, there are two verses in John 10 where Jesus is talking to us about the fact that he’s our good shepherd and he says, my sheep hear my voice. I [00:01:00] call them by name. I know them and they follow me. He just makes it so clear that in this intimate relationship with us. He knows how to speak to us in a way we can hear him.

Kelly: My guest today has an amazing story of some of the ways God has spoken to her through some times of transitions and the heartache of profound loss. Virginia Grounds is my guest. She is an author, speaker, a certified professional publisher. A hospice chaplain. She has years of experience teaching Bible study in her church and at women’s events.

Kelly: She served with her late husband for 20 years in full-time ministry to people in crisis. Her recent books include Guide to Deeper Prayer and a children’s book called Ricky The Race Car. Sounds adorable. Her latest book is called Wings. Hope for widows in new growth seasons, and it’s a collection of stories by widows for widows,

Kelly: [00:02:00] virginia. Welcome to the show. I’m so glad you’re here.

Virginia: Thank you so much, Kelly. I just love being here.

Kelly: Well, one of the things, Virginia, I love so much about your emails is you always close them with Psalm 29 4.

Kelly: Can you read that to us and tell us why?

Virginia: Sure. Psalm 29 4 says, the voice of the Lord is powerful. The voice of the Lord is full of majesty.

Virginia: I love that verse. It’s been kind of a life verse for me for very many years and it originated way, way back in the eighties when I was actually in charge of the banner ministry at our Church . The what ministry? banner ministry.

Kelly: What is

the worship banners? With the names of God. Oh, okay. Yes. And so it was through that, that this verse just resonated with me because we wanted to project the character of God through those names and mm-hmm. In the, and the [00:03:00] visuals that we put together. And so I’ve just always loved it.

Kelly: That whole Psalm, Psalm 29, just reminds us about the power of God to speak and the power of his word, that when he speaks it, things happen. You know this, the universe shifts and nothing can stand in his way. It’s so encouraging.

Virginia: That’s true. And the word majestic. That his voice is majestic. There’s no other like it.

Virginia: I I love that.

Kelly: Amen. Well, you and your husband ministered to those in crisis for many decades. Could you describe what that was like, what type of ministry and maybe some ways of how you experienced the Lord in those places?

Virginia: Well, the ministry, my husband was, I think he was probably 50 when the Lord called him to this ministry, but it was to victims of crime and disaster.

Virginia: Oh. And it’s a funny story because when he went into it, I wasn’t in favor of it, and yet over time I began to see [00:04:00] how. He was struggling from the operational side, which is where I have, where I’m gifted and not being able to get out and do the ministry that God had called him to do. And so I began to pray that I would that come into a season where I would be helping him in that area.

Virginia: But. I talked to him about it and he said, no, not right now. Which shocked me because he always agreed with whatever I wanted to do. But one day I was praying and I came across a, a scripture that talked about the crossroads and being at the crossroad and, and hearing the Lord say, this is the way walk in it.

Virginia: Mm. And that’s what I began to pray that morning. Lord, I, I, I feel that you’ve called me to serve him in this way, but he’s saying no. And so [00:05:00] I just pray that I will hear a voice behind me saying, this is the way. Walk in it when the time is right and if this is your will from me right now.

Kelly: Hmm.

About one o’clock that afternoon, he called.

He didn’t even say hello. He said, okay, I am ready. I said, ready for what? What do you mean? He says, I’m ready for you to come work with me. And I asked him how that happened. And he said that during the, the board meeting that day, the chairman of the board said well, Dean, let me ask you a question.

Where does Virginia sand in all this. Jean said, well, it’s funny you should ask that question. So anyway, that’s how it all came about, that, that I worked with him for 20 years in that ministry, in the area of operation, but also ministering as well. When we would go out on disasters and things like that.

Kelly: So y’all would travel to places where there was disaster and you would work with individuals in those, in [00:06:00] that capacity. Bring you? Absolutely.

Yeah. He, he was a crisis chaplain, ordained, and everything from nine 11 he worked there on the pile and in the morgue Katrina, all of the big disasters.

We had teams of volunteers that would go with him. Minister to the people there. And we saw God’s hand at work in so many different ways and the way God provided, because this was not, you know, ministering to victims of crime was something kind of new at the time. It wasn’t popular, so the funding was, you know, slight.

But we saw God’s hand, we saw his provision time after time, after time.

Kelly: I would just love to know more. Can you think of a particular story where you saw God work in a miraculous way?

Virginia: Yes. It was Katrina and we had volunteers stationed in the [00:07:00] the Red Cross centers that were around the state of Texas and Louisiana.

Virginia: And when the people from Louisiana were in these shelters. They had been separated from their families and you know, because they, some part of the family would be on a bus that was going somewhere and the rest of them going to somewhere else and they were just so distraught. And so our volunteers worked to put families back together.

Virginia: And there was one instance where. We had a man that volunteered his airplane to fly these families back to our place so they could be reunited. This family, part of them came from Louisiana, part of them from the Houston shelter into our Dallas shelter. , They were just all over each other.

Virginia: So happy to see each other, but there were two little babies. A three-year-old little girl and a 1-year-old [00:08:00] little boy. And this three-year-old little girl was terrified at all the commotion. She was just terrified. And family members would try to pick her up and she would just, no, no, no, no. And my heart was breaking for this child, and I ran back to my office and got one of our little stuffed dogs.

Virginia: Little tiny thing and brought it back out. And I just looked down at her and I just held it out and she stopped crying and for a minute, and she looked at that puppy and then she looked up at me and all of a sudden she leaped into my arms. Oh my yes. I believe the spirit of the Lord was showing her there was nothing to be afraid of.

Virginia: That there was comfort there and yeah. That kind of chokes me up to talk about it even now. And it’s been so long ago.

Kelly: Oh, me too. That is so sweet. I love how tender the Lord is. Yes. Cares for all these little [00:09:00] children. He cares for all of us. What a cool ministry, all those years of working with people in crisis and then people that have been victims of crime.

 

Virginia: We had , a caseworker that worked in the office with us and it was victims of crime of. Evil that had been perpetrated against them by you know, just horrendous things. Oh yeah. And it was very eyeopening. It gives you, you know, sometimes we just have a tendency to live in our own sheltered little world and we don’t realize how much the world is hurting that people are hurting.

Kelly: Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And we were of course a Christian organization. We would offer hope through I taught a Bible study class that was specifically geared toward them. And another thing we don’t realize is that wives of inmates are victims too.

Kelly: Absolutely. Yes, and I [00:10:00] love that your ministry reached out to them and to show them the love of Jesus for them. Y’all just surrounded them with the truth of God’s love. Tell us about your husband and the beautiful ways the Lord showed up in his last few days. I’m so sorry. First of all that you lost your husband.

Kelly: I know this is a profound loss and you’re still walking in that transitioning, and so I know you miss him every day. I do, I do. . I’d love you to tell us about him and then I wanna hear some of the beautiful ways the Lord showed up in his last days on Earth.

Kelly: Well,

Virginia: He was a very lovable guy. He was gentle. He was kind, he was generous to a fault. He would give people the shirt off his back and sometimes did. But, when we moved away from Dallas those years ago for his retirement, he had been a crisis chaplain. As I told you. He had been working with the local police departments, [00:11:00] had given so many death notifications that he told me that he would not be able to retire here.

Virginia: Because every street was a trigger and I didn’t realize the extent. Of the emotional trauma that he had experienced until we got away from here. We moved to a lake. He had always wanted to move to a lake for retirement. And so after we got there, we discovered we were setting up with a medical doctor and discovered how sick he really was with cancer, that it had spread all over his body and we didn’t even know it.

Kelly: Oh wow. So

Virginia: the entire time we were there, he was ill. I was caregiving, but I was also working. And then he was in hospice for nine months and during that period of time, I set up my computer on the table next to his bed so that I could continue working, but also watching after [00:12:00] him. During those months.

Virginia: He was a very curious guy and he read everything he could get his hands on about heaven. Oh, I love that. Yes. He just was enthralled and he had Randy Alcorn’s book on Heaven and read it t he went through it twice. Wow. The first time to read it and the second time to highlight it, to look up the scriptures, to be sure they lined up with God’s word.

Virginia: And just really, really. Spent a lot of time in the word and learning about heaven. He wanted to know what it was gonna be like when he got there, and I’m sure he was just blown away. Nothing compared to what he had read. I’m sure when he reached that place. But he also continued to minister during those hospice months he had joined the Gideon organization and he was given the responsibility.

Virginia: To call pastors in that district and I would [00:13:00] be working and I would hear him talking on the phone with these pastors, just giving them encouragement, praying for them. Wow. Just, yeah, just, just lifting them up. And he did that all the way up until the week before he died, and he was able to speak all the way up until two days before he passed away.

Virginia: But

Virginia: during that final week, it’s interesting to me how the Lord lets this person who is gonna be going home soon, how he, he prepares them. He lets them know somehow, in a way that, I don’t know, it’s unexplainable. It’s one of those God things that is so hard to understand. But he wanted, it was about four days before, and he wanted a haircut.

Virginia: I gave him one. It was the best one he ever, if I do say so myself. He wanted to know when the aide was gonna come, give him his bath. And as I looked back on it later I realized that he was getting himself to meet, ready to meet Jesus. [00:14:00]

Kelly: Mm.

Virginia: And that you know, it was, he patted the bed. He wanted me to sit down.

Virginia: He wanted. To share some things with me that are very special to me. And then it was two days later that he lost his ability to speak and two days after that he went to see Jesus.

Kelly: Hmm. Wow. That is so beautiful. I love his heart for ministry and yours as well. And we’re gonna talk about this where God really led you through a difficult transition.

Kelly: But one of the things I just wanna highlight right here is that God never called us to retire from relationship with him and from ministry, and you both. And your husband just lived this. He lived it to the very end. His last breath was following the Lord and speaking the words that God was giving him and loving on his people, and loving on God’s people.

Kelly: That’s right. And me and you. That’s what I meant. And [00:15:00] you . All God’s people. Yes. That’s so sweet and powerful and you have developed a whole ministry that came out of that time too. Ministering to widows, and it just reminds me of Anna. In the Bible where Anna was, she was married for seven years and then widowed.

Kelly: And she, you know, the Bible says she was 84 years old. God told her, you’re gonna see the Messiah. And she continued to just live in the temple area, pray all day long, all the time. And God allowed her to see Jesus as a baby in the temple area. And she never gave up and she kept her mind devoted to the Lord.

Kelly: And you’re an example of that and your husband’s an example of that. It’s so inspiring. I, I love for us to hear stories like this. Oh. Thank you so much, and I know that you encourage many widows with the book you’ve written and with your the blogs that you have some great people submitting blogs on your website.

Kelly: But now I want you to tell us this fabulous, amazing story. [00:16:00] Okay. After your husband died, this big transition, there was a lot that happened and God intervened in some very miraculous ways.

Virginia: Yes, he did. And the first way was immediately after, I would say within a week after the funeral, the Lord just began speaking to me about, I had talked to one of our grandsons about prayer, and I had gone through the Lord’s Prayer with him, phrase by phrase and explain to him what each phrase meant.

Virginia: The Lord began to put on my heart that what I had taught him I needed to write. And so within a week of my husband going to meet Jesus, I began to write that book Guide to Deeper Prayer based on Matthew six, the Lord’s Prayer. And the reason I believe God did that is because it kept my focus on Jesus.

Kelly: Yes,

Virginia: in my grief, my focus was totally [00:17:00] on Jesus. As I was writing that book, and I was about a couple months into it, when one day I decided to clean out my husband’s dresser drawer or his drawer, and as I opened it there on the top of the drawer was his journal, and I pulled it out and I wanted to see what his last entry was.

Virginia: I didn’t, I didn’t go to the front of the book. I went to the end. I wanted to see what his last entry was, and it was the Lord’s Prayer. Oh, wow. I dropped to the bed. I just, I was astounded that God had put that in my heart to first to share with the grandson, then to write the book and to discover that that was my husband’s last entry.

Virginia: Only God, only God, oh God, led by the Holy Spirit, me, led by the Holy Spirit to discover that and to be putting that book together. [00:18:00] And so that book is dedicated to him of course. And it’s very special to me. It’s very personal. In fact, all of these two of these books that I’ve written ha have been very vulnerable in them.

Virginia: Mm-hmm. Which is unusual for me. I’m kind of a private person, but boy, I haven’t been in these books and, and I know that it’s only because God had me be vulnerable so that other women who read these books can understand that they’re not alone. Yeah. That we all, no matter what our spiritual journey, no matter what our walk with the Lord, no matter our circumstances, we all have these same emotions.

Virginia: That are tied to grief, and we all go through every single one.

Kelly: Mm. You know, it totally amazes me that the Lord called you to write that book right after your husband passed away I mean, grief can just cloud our brain [00:19:00] so much, and yet you can see the Lord’s spirit miraculously giving you clarity and help in that vulnerable

Kelly: time.

Virginia: That that is true. And that’s why I say only the Lord, because in my human nature, I would’ve just curled up in a ball in bed and never gotten out. Mm. And I, I, I will not I’m not saying that I didn’t experience the devastation and the pain and the agony that comes with grief because it comes on us at unexpected times.

Virginia: And you, I mean. In church one morning, I a, a couple sitting in front of me, something about them reminded me of us and when the service was over. And they’re sweet, sweet people. And I, I tapped ’em and I said, oh, y’all are so sweet. You just reminded me of, of the way Jean treats treated me. And, and I, and I just started sobbing right [00:20:00] there.

Virginia: In church, it comes so unexpectedly, and yet grief is something that God gives us to heal. And if we deny it, if we stuff it. It’s gonna affect us for a lot longer. We’re gonna, you know, if we, if we have a delayed grief, which I did because I was writing that book then it comes on hard and we have to deal with it.

Virginia: We’ve got to go ahead, give into it, sit down on those days when we cannot function and just be with the Lord. Yeah, we just need to be with the Lord and, and, you know. I also wanna say this to any widow that’s out there listening, that when I say being with the Lord, when you’re in that kind of grief, you sit down and you put the Bible in your lap and you read those words with the, and I know understanding that those words, you’re not getting them in the moment, [00:21:00] and yet God’s word does not return void.

Virginia: And. That word will minister to your heart, even though you don’t know it at the time.

Virginia: Mm.

So even though we don’t feel like reading it, we don’t wanna read it. We’re mad about something, we’re mad at God or whatever, if we will just take that word that is God’s voice, if we will take that word and read it, then at a point in time when we need it the most, it’s gonna come back to us.

Kelly: Hmm. That is so encouraging. That’s his majestic voice. Yes. He does not return void. Oh. It’s, he is doing work , behind the scenes that we can’t even believe. well, you had to make a big transition. I know that was, it was incredibly difficult for you to move back to Texas and it lasted, the transition lasted so much longer than you expected.

Kelly: You just got to Texas.

Virginia: I did. [00:22:00] I’ve only been here a little over a week, two weeks, something like that. But yes, I I put my place on the market. Pretty soon after he passed away, and it was on the market for two years. He’s, he’s been gone now a little over two years. And I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t selling because the, all of the other places surrounding in that little cove area, they were all selling.

Virginia: I mean, the minute they would go on the market, they would sell, well, you know. Personally thought mine was a not nicer, and so I just did not understand why it wasn’t selling and people were praying. Here in Dallas, they were praying where I was in Oklahoma and nothing was happening. But in November, a buyer came and he was very interested in February.

Virginia: He put a contract [00:23:00] on it, and I was very excited. I was so excited in fact that I came to Dallas immediately and I found a place that I just loved. And , I, I was serving as a hospice chaplain. I turned in my notice at work two weeks notice, did all of these things.

Virginia: When I got back home, I had a text from my agent saying that he had canceled the contract.

Kelly: Wow.

Virginia: I was devastated. I was devastated. I could not believe it. And I went into I went into a, a depressive down spin, you know, it was not good. But then in March, about a month later, I was in church one Sunday morning and this woman that we, it was a small church on the lake, she was 87 years old, and she got up at the end of the service and she said, pastor, I just have something I have to say to these people.

Virginia: And he’s like, oh, okay and she talked about the [00:24:00] difference between depression and oppression, and it struck me. And I thought, is that what’s going on with me? Because everything, I tried to pull myself back up, all of my normal things, the prayer, the Bible study, et cetera. They weren’t working to pull me out of this state.

Virginia: And she said that, I’m like, you know what? The devil doesn’t want me to continue in ministry. And he’s pressing me down. And I just, it was a fleeting thought. Didn’t pay any more attention. But then on the very next day on Monday, I went with the church group to Branson, to Praise Fest. And I don’t know if you’ve ever been there or heard of it, but, oh my gosh, it’s fabulous.

Virginia: It’s all music. I love music. And this one couple, I’d never heard of them before, but they got up and they sang this song. The chorus was the chorus said something like, Lord, put me where you [00:25:00] want to, not where I want to be. And it was like Holy Spirit all over me. It was like cold water thrown in my face and I had such a sense of God’s presence and I knew he was speaking to me

Kelly: Yeah.

Virginia: Through that song. And I began right that moment. To pray that prayer, Lord, put me where you want me, put me, put me where you want me. Well, I got back home and I, I just, all week long I was praying that prayer. Well, the very next week was my birthday and the day after my birthday, these people came, they looked at the property, they made their decision on the spot and wrote a contract right then.

Virginia: I mean, who does that? I mean, it was, oh, for full price, I might add.

Kelly: Oh my goodness.

Virginia: The other person had tried to knock me down [00:26:00] $60,000, so that’s a lot of money. Mm-hmm. I couldn’t but these people full price, I could not believe it. And so that was on a Thursday I believe. On Saturday, I was on the internet.

Virginia: I’m looking for a place to live. I’m thinking, this is it. This is gonna happen. And about that time, I got an email about this place that I’m in today, and I thought, you know, that’s gonna go fast. I need to get down there. Well, I got up the next morning and headed down here. As the agent was showing me this property, you are not going to believe what he said.

Virginia: I asked him about the neighbors. You know, I wanna know who my neighbors are as an agent. Of course, he couldn’t say anything, but here’s what he said. He didn’t know me from anybody. He said, who knows? But what? This could be your new mission field. Wow. Wow is right. And I knew right then that this was the house that [00:27:00] God had provided for me, that he was putting me where he wants me to be because he has a mission for me here.

Virginia: And I don’t know what that is yet. And I’m excited to find out. But I will say that once I was here, my, my friends that I’d known for 40, 45 years. Have been all over me and, uh mm-hmm. Just kind of making plans for me of things that we can all do together. And it’s just such a blessing to me because I was so lonely and I was so very lonely.

Kelly: Mm-hmm.

We were, we were in an isolated place and, you know, it was, it was hard. It was really hard, but God is faithful. He is faithful.

Kelly: Oh, that is an amazing story. Well, when you were in Oklahoma, your husband was immediately sick and you were a caregiver. All that time you were separated. It’s interesting that the Lord would’ve allowed that [00:28:00] separated from your support system, your friends.

Kelly: But. That’s what God did. , And he also cause there to be a two year delay before you moved and then he gave you that song basically the moment you surrendered. He’s like, yeah, okay, now

Kelly: it’s time.

Kelly: And

Virginia: here’s the thing. Those years of isolation were the most difficult of our lives together, but.

Virginia: God proved himself time after time, after time, after time. I, and he matured us both in a way that maybe wouldn’t have taken place here with all of the busyness and all of the activities that are here. Mm-hmm. But when you’re in isolation. That’s when God does his best work.

Virginia: If you will turn your heart toward him and pay attention and ask him to speak to your heart and to fill your heart and mind with those things that he [00:29:00] would have, you know, during this trial period, because there was a lot of testing, there were a lot of trials, difficulties, tribulations, but I learned so much about God.

Virginia: During that time, that will be with me for the rest of my life.

Kelly: That is amazing. I love that the Lord is always, always pursuing our hearts and healing us, and growing us deeper into intimacy with him. That’s so powerful. And you know, the thing about the wilderness or isolation, we all have seasons in our life where some things are stripped away, but when those things are stripped away, God does new things.

Kelly: He makes, it makes space for God to speak and create and renovate and, and just grow new things in our life. Like Isaiah 43 18 says, God is always doing new things, just breathing new life into the wildernesses where we might be living.

Virginia: And that was the purpose [00:30:00] for writing the book Wings. And you know, it’s an acrostic widows in new growth seasons because.

Virginia: We are in a new season and we can spend our lives looking back and longing for what we no longer have, or we can focus forward because God is not finished with us. And he is, he’s disproven it. He, he is not finished with us yet. There is still a purpose for us as individuals, as individual women, and so. I wanted to have stories in the book from other widows who had been able to move forward.

Virginia: Mm. But as I, as I read some of the stories, I also realized that what helped me was how God pointed me to Jesus immediately and kept my focus on Jesus. And I wanted [00:31:00] this book to do the same for those women. So between each chapter. I have like mini Bible study thing based on John Chapters 13 through a little bit of 17 because what I discovered is that in those chapters, Jesus was preparing the disciples for his departure.

Virginia: And not only was he preparing them for his departure. He was also preparing them for how they were to live when he was gone. Well, that’s where we as widows are today. Our loved one, our soulmate is no longer with us here on this earth. And yet if we had a good marriage, if we had a godly marriage, if we are strong believers in the Lord, we have been prepared for how we are to live.

Virginia: Now that we are alone,

Kelly: mm,

God has a purpose for every one of us. [00:32:00] And my comment would just be, don’t give up. Don’t give up on God.

Kelly: Mm

Virginia: yes. Give into the grief when it comes, but don’t allow ourselves to stay there because that’s not what God intends. He intends for us to receive his healing. Out of the grave so that we can move forward.

Kelly: Amen. That’s such a powerful word of hope. Mm-hmm. For people who are walking through a loss and especially those who are walking through widowhood, I’m just thinking of a dear friend of mine who just lost her husband at such a young age. They have two young boys, and it is just so important to remember that no matter what loss we’re walking through, this is not the end of our story.

Kelly: That’s right. He is with you and he has a purpose for you in this place. That is absolutely true.

Virginia: Absolutely.

Kelly: Virginia. How can our listeners find you?

Virginia: [00:33:00] The best way would be to go to the website, hope for widows.com. That four is the number four. It’s not FOR, so it’s hope. Number four widows.com and you can log in there and, and send an email and I’ll get it.

Virginia: I will pray for you if you have something that you would like for me to pray for you about. Now, my plan, and this is if the Lord wills it, is to have online support groups. To, you know, do do those on a regular basis. And of course it would be limited in the number. But yeah, just stay tuned in to that website because I’ll be giving updates for that as time goes by.

Virginia: And of course, I’ve only been in my new place for a couple of weeks, so I’ve still got boxes to unpack and I’m not gonna be able to do that until, you know, I’m finished with that. But yeah, that’s, that’s what I’m looking at. For the future.

Kelly: Oh, that’s awesome,

Kelly: would you mind praying for our listeners as we [00:34:00] close,

Kelly: And if you have any other scriptures that have been important to you, please share that as well.

Virginia: Sure. I’d like to also reference Malachi chapter four, verse two. It says, for those who fear the Lord, the son of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings. Amen. When you look up that word wings, it’s an over covering.

Virginia: It is the over covering of Christ over each one of us as our protector, as our provider, and. Even the scripture tells us that he is our husband. Let’s pray. Father, thank you so much for the power of your Holy Spirit within us to speak to us in a way that we’re able to know that it is you who has spoken, that you speak through your word, you speak through music, you speak through other people, and Father, help us help these listeners.[00:35:00]

Virginia: To have ears that are open to hear a word from you and to know without a shadow of a doubt that you have spoken specifically and personally to each one. I praise you, father, for the majesty of your voice. I praise you for the power of your word, and I praise you, father, for the opportunities we have to share Jesus with others, and I thank you in your holy and precious name.

Virginia: Amen.

Kelly: Amen.

If you were encouraged in your faith today, it’d be great if you’d help get the word out by subscribing, sharing with a friend, or leaving a review. I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out through my website, kelly hall.org and pick up some free resources while you’re there. Thanks for listening to the Unshakable Hope podcast.