Podcast

Rebuilding After Your World Falls Apart. Dawn Sanders

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Unshakable Hope Podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kellie Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions, such as how do I trust God’s heart when His ways and delays are breaking mine? We’ll hear from people just like you and me, who have experienced God’s faithfulness when life didn’t unfold as they expected.

My prayer is that God would renew our hope in His Word and His love through these conversations.

Kelly: Hey friends, we’ve got another book giveaway going on and thanks to the generosity of InterVarsity Press, we actually have three copies of Don Mansander’s powerful new book to give away. The title is When Your World Ends. God’s creative process for rebuilding a life. Let me read the description. Don Sanders has traveled this path and lived to tell the tale, [00:01:00] not once, but twice after a divorce.

And then the sudden death of her second husband, Don discovered a buried treasure in Genesis one, God’s process for creating new life out of chaos. When your world ends. Digs deep into the creation story and unearths a seven step process by which God brings us out of the void and into new beginnings.

With her unique perspective, authenticity, and courage, Dawn meets those of us who are starting over and guides us into renewed hope. I’ll let you know that Dawn is 13 years into this journey and she has seen many lives transformed through the principles that are taught in this book. I’m going to give you a couple of ways to enter this giveaway.

You can go to my Instagram page, kelly. marie. hall. I’ll put a link in the show notes. You can follow the page. Then like the post and then tag two friends in your comments and you’re automatically entered. If you share it in your story, that’s an additional [00:02:00] entry. Or if Instagram is not your thing, another way to enter the drawing.

And I’m just sharing this with my listeners and subscribers to my website. You can rate and review the Unshakable Hope podcast on Apple podcast. You can simply take a screenshot and share it with me through social media or email me kelly at kelly hall. org to let me know. No. And so we’re just praying. I have friends joining me in this endeavor, and we really want to bless someone with these beautiful books.

I really hope you’ll join. And if you know someone, if God brings someone to mind who might be blessed by this book, please share this with that person. I wish we would have had more time today to dive deeply into this book and all the principles because it is so full of beauty and help.

But we didn’t have time to go as many places as I wanted to. Today, you’re going to hear Dawn’s story. You’re going to hear how God met her early on in her loss, and you’ll hear some things that aren’t even in the book. She’s going to describe how God led her to a place [00:03:00] of hope and some of the beautiful ways that he spoke to her soul.

So let me introduce her, and then we’ll get into sharing her story. Dawn Mann Sanders has a Master’s in Divinity from Bethel Seminary and is an Associate Minister at First Baptist Church of Glen Arden, Maryland. Her passion is expository teaching and sharing the wonderful insights God has shown her in the Word.

Dawn, I am so thankful you’re able to join me today. Welcome to the show.

 

Dawn: Oh, thank you for inviting me, Kelly. I really appreciate it. It’s a joy to be here.

Kelly: One of the things I told you is that we have roofers on top of our house and they are pounding away. And I had actually tried to reschedule, but then the Lord just put it on my heart to go ahead and be ready

so God has been so gracious and the roofers above are being quiet. And I’m very thankful for this ordained time with you, Dawn.

I would love for you to explain , a little bit of your [00:04:00] personal story, and

what led you to a place where you were so devastated that you actually had to ask the question, How do I rebuild from here?

Dawn: Well, I had had my fair share of unproductive relationships, as many of us do.

Kelly: Yes. I

Dawn: had a divorce and I had a broken engagement. And I was nearing the age of 40 and so as I neared the age of 40, I did believe that I would ultimately get married, but I was I started to give up on my dream of having my own children of having biological children.

And then just as I released. That dream to God along came this marvelous man Reginald Sanders, who was also nearing the age of 40 and we fell madly in love. And got married and even though we were late in life and very much wanted to have a [00:05:00] family. He especially, he was a youth minister, a counselor at our church.

And was great with kids and very much wanted to be a father. And so he, being with him rekindled that dream of having children and, but I asked him if it would be okay if we waited a year, even though it was late in our lives before we officially started trying, we didn’t do anything to keep it from happening, but we weren’t.

Officially trying to have kids and he agreed to allow me that time with him, just us and a year on our anniversary. I remember us having a conversation going. Okay. It’s been a year. We’re going to start and was blessed to be pregnant 3 months after we started trying and only a week later to lose it.

And I remember when I found out I was pregnant, you know, and told him that I was pregnant [00:06:00] asking him, you know, can we just keep this to ourselves for a little while? It wasn’t one of those you know, like some couples, because I didn’t know before that’s so many, I mean, I knew miscarriage existed, but I didn’t realize that 25, Upwards to 25 percent of pregnancies ended in miscarriage.

Kelly: And

Dawn: there are some people who don’t share during the 1st trimester because it may not come to fruition. That wasn’t us. We were believing it was going to come to fruition. I just wanted it to be private for a minute, but a week after I told him we lost that child. And I mentioned that because we didn’t tell anyone we walked that grief alone because we didn’t feel comfortable inviting people into our grief when we hadn’t invited them into our joy.

Kelly: Yeah.

Dawn: And so to only invite them into the grief just didn’t seem right.

And so we did, we walked that grief [00:07:00] alone. But then six months later, God allowed me to get pregnant again. And though we ached over the first miscarriage I personally was just ecstatic that I could get pregnant cause I was 42, right?

And so I was just really thankful I could get pregnant and though , hurt by the loss of that child, very hopeful that eventually we would have a child. And so when we got pregnant again, six months later, we just both knew. That this was going to be the beginning of parenthood for us only a few weeks later, we lost that child.

But this time we did tell people. In fact as soon as I found out, I told him and I asked him if it was okay if we share with other people immediately out of faith, not you know, like, I’m believing this is going to happen. I don’t want to not do it because we think it’s not going to happen. And [00:08:00] allowing them to enter into our joy immediately.

Kelly: And

Dawn: so we did only this time to lose the child and have to tell people we’d lost it. And then six weeks after my second miscarriage, my husband passed away. And so I had two miscarriages and the loss of my husband in the span of eight months.

Basically lost my whole family and with them, my hopes and dreams for having children went with him, though. I do believe even though I haven’t remarried as yet, I do believe the possibility of me marrying again exists. And, you know, after seeing Sarah I know that possibility of me having my own children.

You know, with God, all things are possible, but the chances of those happening diminished greatly

with the death of my husband, because even if I were to meet someone else, right, it [00:09:00] was going to, it was going to take a miracle, right? It was going to be a Sarah path that I was walking at that point.

And so I was very crushed by everything.

Kelly: I didn’t realize how quickly the miscarriages. And then the passing of your husband all of that happened in such a Brief amount of time. I am so sorry

Dawn: Thank you, and it was like getting hit by a truck like it came out of nowhere Yeah, even his death was unexpected.

He went out jogging which he had been doing for the past for the previous 18 months He had gotten diagnosed with diabetes and he took it seriously, changed his diet, exercise, had lost over 40 pounds but he did go out on this occasion on the hottest day of the year up until that point not sure how much of that contributed to it, but while he was out jogging, had a massive heart attack.

And they believe he died [00:10:00] instantly.

Kelly: I’m so sorry. So I’m wondering if you could take us to those few days after Reggie died. You know, how did you pray? How did you talk to God? What did you do? Did you get out of bed? I mean, how did you cope?

Dawn: Well, it was I think a unique journey as many people’s grief journeys are unique. I did not expect it to go in any way the way it went. So not only do I think other people will find it unique. It was unique to me. I’m totally unexpected from that. So, my family came over that. Afternoon, he died. Like I said, he went out at lunch. So there was the afternoon and the evening left.

And so I got home in that evening. My family came over to sit vigil with me. And then after they left I had planned to have a conversation with God and I was so exhausted Kelly that I didn’t. Have it immediately because I felt like I needed to have my energy and my wits about me when I had that conversation.

Right. I was [00:11:00] like, because I really felt like I was, to be honest, I was going to have I don’t want to say a knockdown drag out. I was going to have a wrestle.

Kelly: Right.

Dawn: Right. I was looking, I knew I was going to have this conversation cause I was seeking answers, right? And I was going to have one of those Jacob wrestling moments where I wasn’t going to let him go until he gave me some answers.

Kelly: So you wanted your strength for that.

Dawn: So I wanted my strength as if that was going to matter, but that was, you know, in that moment, that’s what I thought to myself was, let me get a little bit of sleep so that I can have my wits about me when I have this conversation with God.

And I expected to also for it to to be one of those, what I call ugly cries,

right? Where I was going to look as ugly as I’ve ever looked while crying and you know, just boohooing, tears. Face drenched all of that, but when I woke up I immediately was like, okay, let’s have this conversation.

All I had was two words. What now? [00:12:00] And God told me in that moment, he said you honored your husband in life, honor him in death. That’s what I sensed from him in that moment. And I thought to myself, I can do that. I can honor my husband. And so I set off for the rest of the day because, funeral planning often starts immediately.

Kelly: Right?

Dawn: With that kind of thing, answering the calls and said, okay, I can honor him. And then that next night, I went to bed and it was like, but I don’t want to do this. And don’t get me wrong. I mean, I want I didn’t have a problem honoring my husband. I didn’t want to honor him in death.

Right. That was the part that I, when I went to bed that second night, I was just like, you mean I’m going to have to do this, like death planning and living this afterlife. Right. So like when he first told me honor him in death, the way I’d honored him in life, it didn’t hit me. What that meant. I was focused on the honor part.

You’re [00:13:00] right. God, I have honored him in life. Right. So I can do this. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t do it. It was that I didn’t want to, after doing it for one day, I was like, yeah, no, I’m not enjoying this. Yes, this isn’t fun. You know, you know, not that I cannot do that, but it’s like, no. And so for the next several weeks, months, I went to bed asking God to take me to because during that day when I was honoring my husband, it hit me that God had not only taken Reggie, but he had left me

Kelly: that

Dawn: God could have taken me to, he had taken my children.

He had now taken my husband. He could have taken me. But he didn’t. And I said, so I asked God, I said, God, take me too.

and I did go to sleep going, God, can I just wake up and this be a bad dream? This is just a dream. Right. Right. And when that didn’t work, I went, God, , okay, he’s gone.

Dawn: I [00:14:00] get it. People are telling me this every single day. He’s gone. Right. Take me too. Let me go because he’s in Heaven with you. All his pain is gone. I’m in the throes of pain, right? And I asked God to take me because I was very clear that I Was I didn’t have any control over this situation

Kelly: Right.

Dawn: If I had control over the situation, my husband wouldn’t have died in the first place. I had studied when my father passed away, my father had been ill for several months. He had Parkinson’s and it was progressive. And my father at times would talk about wanting to die.

He didn’t do anything to kill himself, but he was like, I’m ready to go. And and he didn’t ask me to do anything either, but I said to him, dad, I hope you’re not thinking about doing anything because I’ve studied the passage of Jonah. And for those of you don’t know, God told Jonah to go to Nineveh and the people of Nineveh were enemies.

Of Jonah’s [00:15:00] people, and when I say enemies, they didn’t just weren’t just fighting, but they tortured. Captives when they caught them, and he was like, God, they’re not going to receive me. Well, I don’t want to do this. Just no. And I get the no part.

That was me, God. I do not want to go on without my husband. Just no, I don’t. This is not up for discussion. I do not want to do this. Jonah ran from God and from Nineveh went in the complete opposite direction. Went to Tarsus. Which is in today’s Israel that wasn’t far enough for Jonah. He got on a boat.

He’s like, okay, I can’t run anymore, but I can sail. And so he got on a boat bound for Tarshish, which is in today’s Spain with every intention of never going to Nineveh. , he thought he was going to escape Nineveh, right? He’s off into the wild blue yonder. And. God sends a storm.

So they’re out in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. The other [00:16:00] mariners are praying to their gods, trying to get them to quell the storm. God does not quell the storm. Why is this happening to us? And so when they ask that question, Jonah was:. Oh, well, funny you should ask.

I’m running from the almighty God and he’s not happy about that. And so Jonah said, throw me into the sea. At least you guys can escape this and I think that Jonah fully expected to die. They were so far out into the water. I think he expected to drown, but God went, yeah, no.

Dawn: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think Jonah wanted to die. I think he just didn’t want to go to Nineveh.

Kelly: Yeah.

Dawn: I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t want to live without my husband.

And if that meant heaven, I was like, okay, that’s cool beans. Yeah. I’m all in. I’m all in. Let’s go to heaven. Right. Cause I wanted to live. Right. And I would live in heaven. So it wasn’t that I wanted to die. And I don’t think Jonah wanted to die. I just think he [00:17:00] didn’t want to go to Nineveh and given the choice of going to Nineveh or dying.

But those of you who know the story know that God didn’t, death was not his escape. . Instead of dying, God had a fish swallowing and even with the fish swallowing him, it took three days inside the belly of that fish for Jonah to realize the fish was not going to be his means of escape.

Running to Joppa to board the ship wasn’t going to do it. Getting on the ship wasn’t going to do it. being thrown into the Mediterranean wasn’t going to do it. And some scholars believe that after spending three days in the belly of that fish, that Jonah’s outer layer of skin would have been eaten away by the fish’s stomach acid

and the means of torture that the Ninevites their favorite was to skin their captives alive.

Kelly: Yikes.

Dawn: And so some scholars believe Jonah was trying to get out of being skinned alive. And [00:18:00] there is a very good chance after spending three days in the belly of that fish, that he basically was skinned alive because the stomach acid from the fish had eaten away. And we don’t know that to be sure, but I have to think that spending three days in the belly of that fish was not comfortable.

Right.

Kelly: I never, ever thought about that. That’s such an interesting concept.

Dawn: Yep. And so it is very likely that when the fish vomited, cause the fish did eventually Jonah prayed for salvation.

And when he finally prayed for salvation and basically surrendered to God and God’s plan for his life. God then vomited him out onto dry land shores closer to

Nineveh, then where he was headed. And yeah, it’s like he was trying to escape this terrible outcome only to probably have had some of that happened to him to some degree, or to at the very least not be [00:19:00] in as good a shape when that fish spit him out onto dry land.

Then he had been when he left.

Right. Right. Absolutely. And that prayer of surrender was pretty. Pretty deep. And yeah, he was really at the end of himself. It was quite obvious that he exactly say, okay, God, whatever you want. I will follow you. I still don’t like the Ninevites, but I will go,

I will follow you.

I will do what you’ve asked me to do because basically, you know, it’s not going to be any better. Running is not any better.

Kelly: Right.

Dawn: Right. And so knowing Jonah’s story, I had shared with my dad, I said, dad, I hope you’re not going to do anything to hurt yourself. Because you can wind up in a worse situation than you already are.

And there are lots of people who try to hurt themselves, try to commit suicide only to wind up in a worse situation than they were in before . Practically as well as spiritually, it is not a good idea [00:20:00] to try to take your life.

Kelly: There is always hope. If you are breathing, God has a purpose and a plan for you on this earth. So I’m so thankful that you shared that story and I love how it gave you hope to continue on your journey. I also do want to just recommend people go back and read that beautiful prayer of surrender from Jonah because he really did just lay it all down.

And God was not done with him yet. I wanted to ask you a question you described, I don’t want to do this without Reggie. Like, okay, I will honor him in life that doing life without my husband is not something I want to do. And so you began to feel like you were lost.

You were in limbo. You really didn’t know how to function on a daily basis or how to focus your energy. And you described something about hovering with God that was really profound. I love that. I loved it. You write, “Once I realized I was right where God wanted me to be, which [00:21:00] was untethered from my old life.

My struggle began to end. I didn’t need to be afraid. Because my position wasn’t untenable”, I’m wondering if you could just describe how you found peace in that place of limbo.

Dawn: Yeah so my book is a deep dive into the creation story chapter 1 of Genesis and God placed it on my heart to go and study that passage and like a good Bible girl, I wanted to read it in its entirety.

Right. And so I sit down to read the whole chapter all the way to chapter two, verse three. And I’ll, I get to chapter two, verse two, and I’m stopped in my tracks, right? And for those of you who don’t remember it off the top of your head in the new King James, it reads in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth was without form and void and darkness was over the face of the deep and the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

When I read that description [00:22:00] of the earth before God began to create, it resonated so deeply with me and how I felt. The days after my husband’s passing, my life was without form, chaotic and unproductive. My life was void, empty, and barren, and my life was dark, uncertain, and there was a lot of unknown parts to it.

And so I saw that and I immediately connected my life and my journey to this passage.

But I also noticed. Two things about the passage besides just the fact that it resonated so much with where I was. The beginning was In the passage started in the beginning, right? And so here I was at this moment in my life where I felt like my life ended with my husband’s, my world ended with my husband.

I dubbed it the end of the [00:23:00] world as I knew it,

Kelly: right?

Dawn: When I studied this passage, it hit me that God was telling me that these aren’t just signs of the end. Right. I told you, I went to bed every night asking God to take me to, and I woke up every morning going, okay, not today.

Kelly: Yeah.

Dawn: And as days went on, I realized God was saying to me, I don’t want you to die. I want you to live through the end of the world as you know it.

And I was like, wow. So okay. You want me to live through it? He said, because this isn’t just the end, these things that you’re feeling, they’re also signs of the beginning, I’m about to create you anew, the next season of your life, I’m about to create.

And he was inviting me to join him in this new creation of me, my life, my environment, my community, my world, our families. And I was like, okay. And [00:24:00] then at the end of the verse, I saw you at the beginning, it says. in the beginning. So this is a new beginning. And I say, he’s inviting me at the end. It says the spirit of God was hovering.

So as I was in this unproductive, empty, dark place, I wasn’t there by myself, even though it can feel that way, even though it can feel that way at times, I didn’t have to do this all by myself. And I do want to say, I never really felt. Alone. And I think it was partly because not just that God was there, but because of the journey he had me on.

Right. And so when I read this passage, I was like, God, I never felt alone. And now I know why, because the spirit was hovering with me above. And it says above the waters, these deep, this deep abyss. That it could have been very easy for me to fall into the depths of right instead of me falling into that God was hovering above holding me above it saying you don’t have to fall [00:25:00] into that not allowing me to fall into that.

And so I wasn’t alone now, do not get me wrong, though. I felt God’s presence and I felt it immediately. I knew when I got the phone call that something had happened and was told to come to the hospital. I felt God in that moment. I didn’t feel my husband and I had always felt this deep connection to Reggie.

, we would have arguments where I would feel disconnected, but he and I both, this connection was so deep. That when we felt disconnected, we both would work to feel connected again, because there was so much peace and comfort and joy in our connection I got the news that something had happened.

I knew that whatever had happened. Was unusual and significant and serious because I felt disconnected from him I felt disconnected, but I never felt alone. I felt [00:26:00] God even in that moment. , so I knew God was there with me hovering.

Kelly: Dawn, one of the things I really love about the way God speaks to us is. It’s always an invitation. You spoke about the invitation. Honor Reggie with your life. You spoke about the invitation where God was saying this is not the end. This is the beginning. You feel untethered, but that can also be the beginning of something new.

So he just kept inviting you in to new spaces. And that’s something that God does. It’s something that’s part of his character.

Dawn: Yep, he does. He repeatedly would show me that he was with me and that if I would allow him, right? He would, we would create something new and something good.

Kelly: That’s so hopeful.

We always want to know this is not the end of our story. We always want to know that the truth of Romans 8, 28, [00:27:00] that he really does have something good for us. If we are living and breathing on this earth, there is something good that he is working in the midst of our pain, in the midst of our loss. I had a dear friend on this podcast who had lost her son, her teenage son to suicide.

And she said, she was sitting with her mom that day and her mom said, Beth, we’re just going to look for God’s goodness. Because that was the invitation God kept issuing that day was just look for my goodness. Just ask me to show you my goodness in this place. And it took three years before they got to the space where they could say, I feel like we’ve walked through it.

It’s a long journey, but they saw God’s goodness up close and personal in miraculous ways. And I love that you did as well. One of the things that you talk about is you realized at one point that your [00:28:00] trust in God was broken. You were continuing to go through the motions, but there was deep down inside a part of you that didn’t trust God because you had waited such a long time.

For this to happen. And you had only had Reggie for a brief moment. And so it must have felt almost like God pulled the rug out from under your feet.

Dawn: It did feel like the rug out from underneath my feet. I felt betrayed. I felt teased. I trusted God and I trusted him with Reggie. He and when I say that, like I told you, I had a broken engagement.

We met each other when I was seeing this other guy and Reggie knew immediately. He used to tell this story where he saw me across the church lobby come into the church and walk away. And God spoke to him right then and told him. That’s going to be your wife.

And so reggie did a little bit of investigating, right?

Cause he was like, who is this woman that is going to be my wife [00:29:00] and found out that I was seeing this other guy. And he was like Lord, are you sure? Because she’s seeing somebody else. She’s not available. And God said, yeah. So Reggie kept praying and he believed that one of two things was going to happen.

Either God was going to end my relationship with this other guy or God was going to show him something else.

And

so Reggie just waited. He basically hovered with God waiting for God to create this next phase of his life. And lo and behold, I did end my relationship with this other guy and Reggie found out about it in pretty short order and at his first opportunity to have a conversation alone with me.

He went up to me and he said I’d like to spend some time with you getting to know you better with a view towards marriage.

Very gentlemanly, let me know [00:30:00] his intentions, both short term and long term. He was, doing all the things it did not matter because it had only been a few months since I had been engaged to this other guy and I was still healing. And so when he came up to me, I was like, yeah, no. I don’t see you on the horizon. God may have told you that, I’m going to be your wife, but he has said nothing to me about you.

Not a thing. I was like, yeah, no. And God was like, what about Reggie? And I was like, Oh no, God, not Reggie wants to get married.

No, I’m not ready to get married. I’m still healing. And God was like, I know you’re still healing, but why don’t you like, let him be your friend. And I was like, cause he doesn’t want to just be my friend., and God just kept on, right? Become friends with Reggie. And that’s actually what Reggie said. He’d like to get to know me better. Become friends. But with a view towards marriage. And so I said, okay, I finally gave Reggie my number. We started talking on the phone and [00:31:00] everything. But I didn’t, like I said, I didn’t see Reggie as a part of my future.

So, I’m sorry. I forgot your question.

Kelly: Well, you have been explaining such a beautiful story. I didn’t know that. So that’s really fun. But I was wanting you to speak to the fact that you felt like your trust with God was broken.

Dawn: And yes, my trust was broken. Yeah. So I was telling you this story because God got me.

He said, trust me. That’s what, why I was telling you the story about Reggie. Yeah. Because God said, trust me. And so I trusted him with Reggie. And that’s why I felt betrayed and why I felt teased. I also felt teased because it was so short. I was like, God, we were only married two years when this happened.

Why couldn’t I have had more time with him, especially because I wasted, I felt like this time with this other guy, why didn’t you remove this other guy from my life sooner so that I could be with Reggie [00:32:00] longer. And so I was just very hurt and my trust was broken. I was like, I specifically trusted you.

You asked me to trust you. I trusted you and my dreams came true, but they were gone in an instant. Yeah. And now you’re asking me to trust you again, you have got to be kidding, and eventually I did, obviously, because I felt a lot like the apostle Paul, right? Other people had come to Jesus, but then fallen away.

And Paul Peter was still there. Not the apostle Paul, the apostle Peter and Jesus asked him, he was like, why are you still here? Peter said, Lord, where else would I go? And so that was me. It was like, though my trust was broken, where else could I go? And so I was like, okay, God you’ve invited me to rebuild my life.

I’m with you about that. But now you want me to dream again? I came to you with this dream about having a family. You told me I [00:33:00] could have that family and I did. Reggie and I were a family. I do have children. I have a family waiting for me in heaven, but I thought I was going to be able to spend some time with my children here and I didn’t.

Kelly: And I

Dawn: thought my time with Reggie would be longer. And so God, yeah. This trust thing, I trust you with my life because you didn’t take me. I trust you with other areas. Of my life, relationships, dreams. I don’t

Kelly: know about that.

Dawn: That’s hard.

Kelly: That’s so hard, Dawn. It is so hard, girl to dream again.

When your dreams have been shattered, when they’re just laying at your feet like broken pieces of glass. I mean, how do you trust God and say, okay, I’m gonna dream again but you did. But you did because God kept inviting you forward and kept inviting you. forward and you were entranced with the story God wove into the Bible and [00:34:00] you began to experience healing and restoration.

And then you turned around and started bringing that to other people and then you put it in a book.

Wow. Well, I’m very curious what you would say to somebody else. Somebody else who is in a situation like yours, Dawn, and is still just in that place of broken dreams, you, somebody that had a loved one taken from them, somebody who felt like, God, I trusted you and this is what you do with my life. Someone who might feel like the rug had been pulled out from under them.

What do you do with, what would you say to someone who’s kind of stuck in that WHY place just right in the beginning?

Dawn: Wow. Someone in the WHY place. Well, I share in my book a story about a woman I call Kai. I was on a panel sharing my grief journey, much like talking to you today.

Kelly: Yeah.

Dawn: And she asked.

Why she said, you know, the people on the panel had answered most of her [00:35:00] questions, but there was 1 question that she still didn’t have the answer to. And it was why and they tried to answer her question and I really felt like. None of her answers satisfied, and I also felt wondered if there would be, because to be quite honest, Kelly, none of the answers satisfied me.

Right. I don’t feel like there was. For lack, I want to say a good reason. There was a good reason because , God’s will, there was a purpose in what happened. And so that was good, but there wasn’t a reason that felt good. Right. Right. For Reggie to be taken from me. And so I told her, I said, I don’t know that you’re going to find a satisfying answer though, we can give you good answers.

And because of that I encouraged her. To lean in to her pain, because I think one of the reasons why we ask why is because if we get a satisfying answer, that will [00:36:00] help quell some of the pain, right? That’ll help us feel better, we think, right? And then we get answers that we, that aren’t satisfying and we don’t feel any better.

And so we’re still stuck with this why, right? Because it doesn’t feel good. And so. I encouraged her to lean into the pain because that’s a, other, the other posture is a leaning away from the pain.

Kelly: Yeah.

Dawn: Right. Because I found my healing in experiencing the pain. When I went ahead and experienced the pain, I stopped asking why and came to a place.

Again, like, so I asked what now then, and then I didn’t ask what now again for a very long time, because like I told you, that answer, though, I could do it and sounded really good and very spiritual and all of that. It didn’t feel good living it out. So it was a while before I asked what now again, but I finally got to a place where I was, feeling comfortable enough [00:37:00] with God to say what now again,

cause he was inviting me to create my new life. And so it became a, how question, how do I do that with you, Lord? How do I do that? How do I trust you again? Right. And so not as much a what or why anymore, a how God started to tell me, walk with me, join me in the darkness. Right. You’re running.

You’re part of the reason that you’re so uncomfortable is because you’re looking for light you can see And what I want you to do right now is join me in the darkness. Trust that I can see even in the darkness and that I will lead you through this. And so I want to tell people, I know it hurts.

I do. It hurts. As much as you can, I’m going to encourage you to lean into that [00:38:00] because the path out Is through.

Kelly: That is so true. Escaping the pain does not get you through the grief, I’m just curious, when you spoke with Kai and you told her, lean into that, stop trying to escape. No answer to the why question will be satisfying to you. So let that go. How did she respond?

 

Dawn: I could tell what I was saying resonated I know you’re wrestling with why and you’re wrestling with it because it’s not satisfying. And she was like, yeah, it’s not, people are giving me other answers that are logical and biblical and all those other things, but that, but I don’t feel good and I want to feel good.

And I’m like, Yeah. And so I saw a settling of her spirit where I felt like she acknowledged what I said. And that a seed was sown.

Kelly: That’s [00:39:00] beautiful. Her

Dawn: step forward.

Kelly: Right.

Dawn, why don’t you tell us the name of your website. , and you have a cool quiz on that website too. I want us to hear about that.

Dawn: Funny. You should mention that. So, yeah my website is DawnMannSanders.Com and you can connect with me there. I have a blog.

Some other resources links to my book and I also have a link. To my new quiz, it’s only been out about a month and it’s called what is your start over type? And the quiz along with giving you your result type, it has 5 result types it based on your result type, it will give you 3 action steps that you can take.

Immediately now they’re there for you to take immediately and you can, if that’s your desire. And if you feel led, I just know that some people may not feel lead and that’s okay [00:40:00] too, and when I say may not feel led immediately, they’ll be there for you when you are, because when you’re grieving, you’re not always ready.

That’s I mean, we’re hovering, right? Right. We’re hovering. And so we’re not always ready to move forward. Eventually, God will shine light into your life. And at that point, you will be ready to move forward. And you’ll have these action steps. Or when you are, if you’re already at that place where you’re already saying how God, then these action steps along with my book can help provide those answers.

Kelly: Well, Dawn, I’m wondering if you could close us in prayer.

Dawn: Sure.

Kelly: Thank you.

Dawn: Gracious Lord. You are an awesome and a mighty God is so worthy to be praised. And the word says that we should praise you in all things as we go through all things. And so we praise you today, Lord, we praise you because you’re there with us. In the darkness, [00:41:00] you’re there hovering, keeping us safe. The imagery is of a mama bird hovering above the nest of her new hatchlings as she sits above them, keeping them warm.

And so Lord, as much as it may seem as though we’re not in a safe place because a terrible thing has happened. That terrible thing did happen, but we are now in this moment in your grip. And so we thank you for that. And Lord, I pray for our listeners that they would have unshakable hope

that

you are there with them, that they would lean into you Lord, before even leaning into their emotions.

That they would find you in the midst of the darkness that [00:42:00] they’re with they’re in and realize that’s a safe place because you’re there. And Lord, I trust and pray that you will lead them forward. I thank you, Lord, for , how you are healing the listeners for how you’re leading them forward into their new lives.

And again, we thank you for that in Jesus name. We pray. Amen.

Kelly: Amen. Dawn. Thank you, . I appreciate this so much. You have a blessed day.

Dawn: Thank you. You too. And I pray that the roofers finish up quickly and that you are pound free as far as that banging.

Kelly: Oh, thank you so much. God blessed us with absolute quiet. Once we started, I’m so grateful.

Okay, just real quick. remember the book giveaway, You can enter the giveaway through Instagram Kelly. Marie. Hall Follow the page, like the post, tag two friends in the comments, [00:43:00] or as I mentioned earlier, if Instagram’s not your thing, simply rate and review Unshakable Hope Podcast on Apple Podcasts, that would bless me so much, and let me know that you did this through social media.

Or email kelly at kelly hall dot org. And we are praying, my friends that are joining me, we are praying for God’s blessing, anointing, and comfort to be poured out through this book God bless you.

If you were encouraged in your faith today, it’d be great if you’d help get the word out by subscribing, sharing with a friend or leaving a review. I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out through my website, kellyhall. org and pick up some free resources while you’re there. Thanks for listening to the Unshakable Hope Podcast.