Podcast

Experiencing God’s Tender Heart Through Grief and Loss: Amber Smith

Amber: [00:00:00] Granger and I went outside of the hospital. We just looked at each other and just said, how are we gonna do this? how are we gonna do this? We’re gonna have to choose each other every day. We’re not gonna let this tear our family apart. We have two little children who need us. We’re still a couple, we’re still married and we’re gonna fight for each other. When we said I do, we meant it if for better or for worse, and this was one of the worst things that we would ever have to go through.

Welcome to the Unshakable Hope podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kelly Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions such as, how do I trust God’s heart when his ways and delays are breaking mind? We’ll hear from people just like you and me who have experienced God’s faithfulness when life didn’t unfold as they expected my prayers, that God would renew our hope and his word and his love through these conversations.

Kelly: Hey friends, wherever you are in your journey, whether you know [00:01:00] Jesus, or maybe you’re just curious about him, maybe you’re struggling to trust God in your current story and you’re looking for some fresh encouragement to persevere in your challenges.

Kelly: Well, you know, that’s what this podcast is always about. I’m so grateful you’re here. As you listen to my guest today. Someone who has ex. Experienced unimaginable grief. You’ll be reminded in powerful ways that God is with you in your sorrow, that this is not the end of your story, that he is actively working tenderly personally mightily in every area that concerns your heart.

Kelly: I really believe in today’s conversations, you will see the faithfulness and goodness of God in a very deep way. Before I introduce my guest, I just wanna mention I have a beautiful, free 31 day Devo and I. Wanted to mention it because Amber’s subtitle kind of goes along with it. It’s filled with stories from writers all over the country describing how they experience the rescuing power of God’s love in the wilderness [00:02:00] seasons of their life.

Kelly: It’s called Held in the Wilderness. 31 stories to secure your worth in God’s love, and you can just go to my website, kelly hall.org and pick that up.

Kelly: Well, let me tell you about my guest. Her name is Amber Smith. She is a Christ follower. She’s the wife of former country music artist Granger Smith, and she’s the mother of four. In 2019.

Kelly: Their family suffered a terrible loss when their three-year-old son River drowned. Since then, she has been on a mission to share her message of hope through suffering to a lost and broken world. She’s also the host of a Rise with Amber podcast and the founder of the River Kelly Fund.

Kelly: She’s written her story in the book,

Kelly: the Girl on the Bathroom Floor Held Together when everything is falling apart,

 

Kelly: it’s such a beautiful description of how God works in our lives. When you read her book, you’ll discover that she is passionate about God’s word, but this wasn’t always the case.

Kelly: You’re gonna hear how she fell in love with Jesus in [00:03:00] the desperate times. After her sweet little boy passed into his arms, she and her husband live on a little farm in central Texas with their children, London, Lincoln, and Maverick. Amber, welcome to the podcast. I’m so grateful you’re here.

Amber: Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Amber: It’s, it’s gonna be a joy to talk to you today,

Kelly: and I just love that you’re from Texas. That’s where I’m from. Okay. And so I always love to talk to my fellow Texans along the way.

Amber: What part?

Kelly: I was down south, around Houston area and also Beaumont, that area. Both those places. We kinda went to college all over around Austin.

Kelly: Don’t you live kind of near Austin?

Amber: We do. We live a little bit outside of Austin. Okay. Little town called Gerald. Mm-hmm.

Kelly: Yeah. All right. Well, Amber, I loved your book, and I loved your husband’s book as well. I wanted you to just start by telling us about River.

Kelly: I fell in love with that little boy when I read your book. His sweet, adventurous spirit just brought a smile to my face.

Amber: Yes. [00:04:00] He, he, that’s what he was. He had such a sweet, adventurous spirit. Um, he was a little, a little firecracker. He was a redheaded baby who, none of us, my husband and I don’t have red hair, um, but my mother-in-law does.

Amber: And so we were very surprised when he was born. He was just always his own little unique person. He had the most intense, deep chocolate brown eyes that I swear when he looked at you, you know, he would just. Pierce through you with his, with his eyes looking into your soul. And he always was just joyful and happy and dancing and loved the outdoors more than any other, um, child that I’ve had.

Amber: Loved to be outside just playing in the dirt barefoot all the time. He would drive his little tractor. He was a little comedian. And he just really brought this sense of, you know, we thought that our family was complete when we had him and when the, when, when we lost him. It left a, a really big hole in our heart and our family.

Kelly: Yeah. Would you mind walking us through that time and just share as much as you feel comfortable with?

Amber: Yeah, it [00:05:00] was 2019 and, and my husband and I had been married. Well, we’re going on 16 years now, but we were about 10 years at that point. And we had a good life, a good worldly life, quote, worldly life.

Amber: We had a very joyful marriage. We had three healthy kids. Um, my husband was a singer songwriter, touring musician, and his career was really taking off, had his first number one single. Everything by the world standards was really good. And then the night of June 4th happened, and it was a normal night.

Amber: We were, we had just got done having dinner. The kids wanted to go outside and play. I took river out of his highchair and let the kids go outside, and it was such a nice day that we left the door, the back doors open, and I went back to take a shower. And then within a span of maybe 10 minutes of when I, I got outta the shower, I heard screaming coming down the hall and my daughter had yelled the words river and pool.

Amber: And so I was trying to process, you know, how could those two things go together because my husband’s outside. My kids were outside. We have a big [00:06:00] iron fence. And so in my thinking, I thought, okay, maybe he fell in and daddy’s around the corner. He’s still in the water and I’m gonna run in and grab him. But when I ran outside and I hit the patio, I saw my husband and he was inside of the pool gate already doing CPR on River.

Amber: And immediately when I opened up that gate and looked down at him, I knew, I knew that he was. He was gone. I knew that he was with the Lord, but we still did all of our lifesaving measures. You know, we took turns doing CPR, we called 9 1 1. They were actually able to get his pulse, his heart beat back.

Amber: And so in our thinking, we thought, oh my gosh, he’s gonna be fine. Thank you, God. Thank you God, he’s gonna be fine. And we go to the hospital and he. Was just too sick. He, his brain had gone without oxygen for too long, and after three days in the hospital and neurology test and all of that, it was determined that he had no brain activity.

Amber: And I never thought, you know, I never thought we would never take him home. I knew he might be sick. I knew he might have learning disabilities or something [00:07:00] because of the trauma to his brain, but I never thought he wouldn’t wake up again. And so just all of that happening in the span of three days was just so much to.

Amber: Navigate and deal with and process. But we ended up having to say goodbye three days later in the hospital. And, and we left the hospital with one less person than, you know, we came with. And I just, as you can imagine, it was awful. The Lord just completely flipped our lives upside down.

Kelly: Yeah. I don’t think anyone listening can even comprehend that kind of loss.

Kelly: As you described, the days that y’all walked through, you’re just, you’re numb, you’re, it’s, it’s. Unbelievably sad, and there’s all the grief that you walk through and all the screaming and crying and railing at God. And then like you said, how do you come home to a house that has one less person in it?

Kelly: Yeah. I can’t even imagine that. One of the things that you talk about in your book that was so tender is the way you made space for different [00:08:00] people to grieve and your children the way you met them in that place, because they didn’t even have language for some of these losses. They were so young. Can you just talk to us about that?

Amber: I think, I think one of the main things we’ve learned through this is that everyone handles grief differently. You know, Granger and I grieved very differently. He was more internal. I cried a lot. Um, I really let my feelings out, let my emotions out. Our kids grieved very differently. London was only seven, Lincoln was only five, and they couldn’t quite process what had happened.

Amber: London was a little more emotional. She would cry and talk more and, but poor little link. Like his best friend was there and now he wasn’t. And so for him, I think for a long time he just thought maybe he was at somebody’s house, and so he would kind of go back to playing because kids just process things differently.

Amber: And it wasn’t until about a year later where Lincoln finally released so much of his sadness and would just cry for the longest time, and I would have to hold him. And so that was something [00:09:00] that we navigated. Often throughout the years, and we really just kept river so much alive in our home though.

Amber: Yeah. We, we allowed the kids to talk about him. We kept his pictures up. We, we didn’t close off his room and say that nobody could touch his things. I just wanted them to know that any emotion that they feel is okay, and we can always talk about river. He will always be a part of our family and with, with our eyes on the Lord.

Amber: We were gonna make it through this no matter what, that this wasn’t gonna break our family apart. Mommy and daddy, were gonna stay together. We’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna navigate this and it’s gonna be really hard. But we’re gonna do it together.

Kelly: Mm-hmm. I love the way you just continued to include river in your conversations, in your events, and talk about how he would’ve loved something when y’all were doing something fun as a family.

Kelly: It gave y’all the freedom to even have fun without him. And I know that was hard because people feel guilty having fun after a loss. Can you talk about a time when y’all were able to just embrace that joy, even though it was hard?

Amber: Yeah. You know, like [00:10:00] you said, you do feel guilty. I remember the first time my belly laughed after we lost him.

Amber: It wasn’t too too long, but maybe a month and a half. It was like maybe six weeks after we lost him. And I had been so sad and it was raining outside and my kids were just being so silly and, and they were trying to make me laugh, and I just laughed and laughed and it felt so good. But then two seconds later you think.

Amber: What, how are you laughing? You, you can’t, you shouldn’t be laughing. You just buried your baby. So that was really, really difficult. But as you said on like his special, his special days, like his birthday or, or the day he passed, we call it his angel bursary. And we would go ride, go-karts together or make his favorite food or do something that he loved to do.

Amber: And so that would help us to remember him on a really sad day in a, in a joyful way.

Kelly: Fun. Yeah. I love that so much. Well, Amber, many people allow the heartbreak of loss to drive them away from God and to drive to isolate them. But in God’s miraculous grace and mercy, you came to know Jesus intimately [00:11:00] through this experience.

Kelly: Can you please describe how Jesus became the most important thing in your life?

Amber: I, I think about that a lot. You know, why do some people run away from the Lord and some people run to him. I’m actually walking with another mom who is in the throes of grief right now. She just lost her baby and she had been walking with the Lord much longer than I have, like 20 something years.

Amber: So she is angry at the Lord and she’s upset and kind of pushing him away. Like you said, in God’s grace and mercy, I ran to him and I think it was because I was a brand new believer. I had just started taking the kids to church and reading devotionals and, and going to women’s conferences the year before we lost our son.

Amber: So I had this tiny bit of a foundation and I look back now and I see. That in God’s kindness, he was preparing me for what I was about to go through. He was giving me women that would walk with me and he was sharing little bits of scripture and so, so when my heart was broken, I knew I didn’t wanna feel that way forever, so I ran to him.

Amber: [00:12:00] And I begged him to show me who he was, to show me that there was purpose in this, to, to be with me, to give me strength because I couldn’t do it on my own. And slowly but surely every day as I cried out to him. And there was a a period of time where I was reading devotionals and my husband came in and said, we need to read the word of God.

Amber: And so when I started reading the scriptures, praying every time I opened it, Lord, show yourself to me. Show me who you are. Show me there’s purpose. Show me that that. That the Bible is true, that every one of river’s days are numbered. Show me he did. And that, you know, the Lord says he will, he’s not hiding from you.

Amber: He will reveal himself to you if you seek him with all your heart. And, and he did that for me and he gave me strength when I didn’t have it. And gave me comfort and gave me joy in, in places where I’d never thought that I would feel joy again. But it took surrender. You know, it took me finally like laying on the ground every single day saying, God help me.

Amber: But I kept showing up and I kept reading my [00:13:00] Bible, even though I didn’t understand half of it at that time. Slowly you start to to see him for who he is. And I started seeing the sovereignty of our Lord on every page, how he doesn’t miss anything, how he loves us so much, how he gave his only son for us so that we could have life, and that he loves my son more than I ever could, and that in faith in him, I will see river again.

Amber: But not only that, I get to see, I get to see Jesus, and God saved me and gave me a saving faith in and through my loss. I say when I go out and speak, you know that the Lord, I believe that the Lord will do whatever it takes to bring you to him. And for some people that’s saving you as a little girl. But, but for me, it was something really, really difficult and painful that opened up my eyes to his goodness.

Kelly: Yeah.

Amber: And now I, I, now I have full faith and trust that he is who he says he is, and that he’s coming back to do what he says he is gonna do. And that anything that happens in my life, good or bad, is under his care. [00:14:00] And. You know, we had a miscarriage a year after we lost River, and I, I had fully come to trust the Lord, so I trusted him with new, with this new pain.

Amber: I, I knew that he had walked me through the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, and I knew that he would do it again. So I had had to switch from this worldly perspective to this eternal perspective.

Kelly: Mm. When we discovered that our oldest child was profoundly deaf and then our twins later were also profoundly deaf, and then along the way, just the other losses and learning disabilities I, that the pillar of our life was God is sovereign.

Kelly: He is completely in control. This. Did not take him by surprise. And he will work in and through it to bring glory to his name and we will see his glory up close and personal. And that one of the things God said to me, Kelly, you’re not gonna have to read about this in some book. You’re gonna see my hand of goodness up close and personal in your very lives.

Kelly: And that’s what you’ve just described, and you got me so choked up, so [00:15:00] beautiful. One of the things that really, really struck me, Amber, was some of the choices you and Granger made to protect your marriage. You intentionally drew some lines in the sand. I want you to talk to us about that, but I also want you to mention something that I heard.

Kelly: Your husband talk about on a Susie Larson podcast when he said that if you had ever looked at him with condemnation or judgment that it was, and blame, he, he didn’t feel like he ever would’ve recovered, but you never did. You always just said, we’re in this together. We parent together, we grieved together.

Amber: Yeah. One of the things we did, only by the grace of God, was we had decided to donate rivers, organs. So when he went back for his organ donation, Granger and I went outside of the hospital. And we just looked at each other and just said, how are we gonna do this? How are we gonna do this? We’re gonna have to choose each other every day.

Amber: We’re not gonna let this tear our family apart. We have two little children who need us. We’re still a couple, we’re still married and we’re gonna fight for each other. [00:16:00] And I come from, on my side of the family, a lot of divorce. And so I knew when I got married that that was it. I wasn’t, I’m not allowing divorce to, to affect generations in my family anymore.

Amber: And so. We said, I, when we said I do, we meant it if for better or for worse, and this was one of the worst things that we would ever have to go through. And I think oftentimes people give up. So often because of their feelings and, and really hard things happen. And, and, and marriage is a, is a picture of Christ and the church and how we sacrifice and suffer and, and love.

Amber: And so we did that and it was hard and we went home every day and grieved very differently. But we still knew none of us, neither one of us are going anywhere. We’re in this together. We’re gonna fight through this and we’re gonna come out stronger because of it. And we have. And somehow, by the grace of God, I never felt blame for him.

Amber: We were both home. We were both doing CPR and our little boy. It could have happened to me. It could have happened to anybody, but by the grace of God, I never lashed out in anger. I never said, you know, how could you do [00:17:00] this, Because you’re right. He said it could have, it could have driven him to a point of no return.

Amber: And by God’s grace, I never did that. I never felt it. I felt blame, you know, myself. ’cause I didn’t put him to bed. I didn’t take him inside. And so we just never blamed each other. And I’m so thankful for that grace that we never said harsh words that we couldn’t take back.

Kelly: Right, and you could have blamed yourself.

Kelly: You both could have lived in guilt even if the other person wasn’t blaming you, but you both chose to rest in God’s sovereignty and to rest in his love and grace in that whole story. And it, it’s very powerful and I do believe that that is what saved your marriage. You just see the hand of God so beautifully pouring his love over y’all in this grieving process.

One of the things you write in your book is when life feels overwhelming and your heart is heavy, open your Bible, let God’s promises anchor you, reminding you that no matter what you feel, I’m sorry, no matter how you feel, his truth is [00:18:00] unwavering. So could you talk to us about the main truths that anchored you to the heart of God that helped you believe that his goodness was for you in this long journey of processing the suffering and heartache.

Amber: I think oftentimes, and I did for the longest time is, is in suffer. I think we have a very small view of God, and so when we are hurt or we are grieving, we feel like he’s betrayed us in some way because we don’t know who He true, truly who he is. We know who the world portrays him as. This man upstairs who grants you your wishes and, and wants you happy, healthy, and wealthy.

Amber: But the God that I saw, the God of the Bible wants me holy and the God of the Bible gave his life for me. And the God of the Bible led every single person throughout the scriptures, through the wilderness, through seasons of suffering and pain and affliction for their good and for his glory. And, and I’ve realized just in studying the scriptures of who he is, that.

Amber: I’m such a small part of this story that the God of the universe that he would even have anything to do with me [00:19:00] is a miracle. And, and so I think those truths that I had come to to realize is that I am not God, that his ways are higher, and that there was purpose even in the worst suffering to ever happen.

Amber: The death of Jesus, the murder of Jesus. There was purpose in that. And if there was purpose in the death of his own son, there was purpose in my story too, and that I’m in the middle. Of the story and that it’s not over, that God is still working and moving and, and he’s, he’s not trying to make me happy.

Amber: He’s trying to make me holy and blameless when the day comes, when we meet Jesus face to face. And, and that’s what he does. And, and oftentimes that’s through pain and suffering and, and heartache. And hardship. That’s when we truly come to see who God is.

Kelly: Yeah. The Bible says, in this world you will have suffering.

Kelly: So with or without Jesus, we all walk through pain. But with Jesus there is so much redemption and, and holiness, as you said, and wholeness. He, he heals our souls in ways that we never [00:20:00] even imagined could happen. Yeah. I’m wondering if you could talk to us about a moment in your life that was really a turning point for you.

Kelly: You were on the bathroom floor, I think, and God spoke the word enough to you. Can you describe that to us?

Amber: Yeah. That was, that was a really powerful moment. I was grieving very, very hard. I was, I had my back up against the cabinet. I was sobbing and I felt in my spirit, three words and the Lord said, enough seek me.

Amber: And it wasn’t. It wasn’t mean it wasn’t unkind. It was, it was as if a father was lifting his daughter’s head saying Enough, look, to me, I realized that I was seeking River. I was seeking my son. I was seeking the gift over the giver.

Amber: And I. It was such just a powerful moment in, in the sense that I felt in my spirit, everyone is suffering.

Amber: Everyone is grieving. I am the Lord. I have your son. Everything is good. Now look to me, you’re looking to the world and to your [00:21:00] son to fulfill that hole. Only I’m gonna be able to fill it. And so I remember I immediately got up and wiped my eyes and went and read my Bible. And that was the turning point of me truly seeking, okay, who are you Lord?

Amber: Who are you really? And that’s when everything changed and my life trans, my life transformed and I was made fully aware of my sin and cried out in repentance and, and truly believe that he was who he says he was.

Kelly: Hmm, that’s so powerful. I love how the Lord just alerts us to the emptiness that the world offers.

Kelly: There’s nothing we’re gonna find in this world that compares to his love. And Romans eight 18 says,

Kelly: For, I consider the sufferings of this present time or not even worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Kelly: Jesus is so much greater, and I loved how you. Said that you realized you were looking for the gift rather than the giver. You were looking for your son to be returned to you rather than the Christ that was already with [00:22:00] you. And it’s such a beautiful Tinder picture too, of you described that God wasn’t being impatient with you.

Amber: Yeah.

Kelly: He was just lifting your chin and saying, look to me. I can help you. You don’t need to stay here in this puddle on the floor.

Amber: Yeah. Yeah. It was a very, a very tender moment. But firm, you know, it was like, okay, I’ve got you. You can’t stay there anymore. It’s time to arise.

Kelly: Yeah. That’s so good.

Kelly: It’s easy to feel broken when we see others enjoying things that we’ve lost. You know, when we see our prayers being answered in someone else’s life, that comparison just makes us feel isolated, alone, abandoned and forgotten. And you write.

Kelly: “Grief does that to you. It makes you wrestle with the unfairness of it all. Why others get to keep what you’ve lost, why their life seems so much easier, and yours is like a dumpster fire.”

Kelly: I thought that was a very telling description. Very accurate. Can you [00:23:00] describe a time when you felt this way and how the Lord ministered hope in life to your weary heart?

Amber: I do remember one time I took the kids out for ice cream and the big kids and a man walked in with his little toddler on his shoulders.

Amber: And I just remember being angry and I was thinking, why does he get to have his toddler? And I don’t, why did my son have to die? And it wasn’t that guy’s fault. And, and I also realized in that moment that I was, I was focusing so much on what had been taken. That I was neglecting what was right in front of me.

Amber: My, my two beautiful children who are grieving as well, and I think so often in life we can look, you know, the Christian walk is like a race. They, they attribute it to a race. And I think so often we can look in somebody else’s lane and see how they’re running and how they’re going and how their life is.

Amber: And I believe it’s in Sean. I think what Peter might ask, or John asks about Peter, one of them ask about the other one, and Jesus says, what is it to you? You follow me? And so I think often we have to keep our eyes [00:24:00] on Christ, on our lane, on our treasure that’s ahead because God has a perfect path lined out for each of us.

Amber: But in our fallen nature, we look to somebody else and say, well, why does she have that? Or why, why does she have a baby? And I don’t, or why does she have a spouse? And I can’t, I’m so, I’m still single, so, okay. I think it’s often that we’re looking to the other lanes instead of looking to Christ to fulfill what we’re longing for and be also just having a heart of gratitude for what we do have.

Kelly: Hmm. Yes. That’s so true. That’s the exact scripture I thought of when you were talking that. Just that part where Jesus says to, Peter, well, why are you worried about him? Mm-hmm. Just look at me. Okay.

Amber: Yeah.

Kelly: And stay in your lane. Just that thought. Stay in your lane. Just look to me. I have a purpose and a plan just for you, and only you can reflect my heart.

Kelly: In a way that nobody else can in your story. Mm-hmm. And so it kind of keeps us in that place with our eyes on Jesus. I know that there, some of our listeners today, Amber, do feel alone and lost in [00:25:00] their grief. So I’m wondering what you would say to that person who is, who is stuck on that bathroom floor and just feeling like, maybe even feeling like nobody is remembering the one they’ve lost or what they personally have lost.

Amber: I think at first I would say, like I wrote, the very first chapter is a letter to the girl on the bathroom floor, and it really just sits with that person in their pain and just, I think so often we try to rush past it and we don’t sit with somebody and just say, I’m so sorry that this is really hard and really painful, and I’m sorry that you’re navigating this and I hate it and I wish I could take it away.

Amber: But then. I wanna remind you as your sister in Christ, that there is hope and there is light. I was that girl. I did feel like I was never gonna have joy again. I felt like, where are you Lord? How could this happen? I wanna remind them that they are not alone. That, that we have a living hope in Jesus. And, and that if you’re in that bathroom floor moment, that’s not the end of your story.

Amber: God is not finished and he is [00:26:00] working in and through your pain. But I would, I would beg you to please not run away from him. Life is hard, but it’s harder. Without Christ, it’s harder without hope, it’s harder. Without life run to him. As hard as it is, and as painful as it is, he will slowly fulfill those spaces that you’re longing for.

Amber: He’s the only one that will will fill your heart in, in all the desires that you have. And so I would just say don’t give up.

Kelly: Hmm.

Amber: Keep seeking him. Keep, keep lamenting to God. God gave us the gift of tears and lament and, and pour out your heart before him, because he’s listening. He sees you. You’re not forgotten.

Amber: Even if you feel like the world has forgotten your loved one, God has not forgotten your loved one, and God has not forgotten you.

Kelly: Hmm. That’s so beautiful. Absolutely. Also, there’s no timeframe and, and we can go back to feeling the intensity of the grief. It can just pop up in ways that it can surprise us and just to make space for that and to normalize it.

Kelly: I think it’s so important for people not to feel like [00:27:00] they’re back where they started. No, you circled deeper and deeper and deeper. But it’s just, we all have to go through this grief and your loss, you will continue to feel the loss for the rest of your life on Earth, but it won’t, it won’t take you down like it used to.

Amber: Yeah. Yeah. I got upset the other day. I just, I cried just because I’ll always miss him. I love him so much, and I’ll always miss him till I get to see him again. But it doesn’t keep me down like it used to. I’m, I’m much quicker to wipe my eyes and face the world again. But it’s good to let those feelings out.

Amber: Don’t hold him in. Cry for your loved one. Cry to God. But then wipe your eyes and, and trust the Lord.

Kelly: Yes. I may have already asked this question. I know we did talk about some scriptures that meant a lot to you, but I’m wondering if you have another one that just anchors you to God’s heart.

Kelly: One that you run back to a lot in your journey these days.

Amber: Uh, the one that, the one that really sustained me or anchored me during our pain was Romans 12, 12. Be joyful in hope, patient in [00:28:00] affliction and faithful in prayer. So that really held me. But the one that I go back to more than anything is Proverbs three, five and six.

Amber: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight because that reminds me. Who I am, I am not God. His ways are higher. I cannot lean on my earthly finite understanding of anything in this world, or I will crumble.

Amber: I have to trust God with all my heart as much as it hurts.

Kelly: Oh yes. Amen. And it reminds me so much of Isaiah 55, 9, I think, where it just says his thoughts and ways are higher than ours. We can never comprehend. Yeah, we can never comprehend. And he is good. Even when so much of life doesn’t feel good. He’s continuing to pursue us with his goodness and love every minute of our days.

Kelly: Well, Amber, I want people to be able to find you and find your

Kelly: book

Kelly: such a telling description of what it was like for you to walk through the grieving period and, and how good our God [00:29:00] is to hold us in those places of grief. But tell people how they can find you.

Amber: I am mostly on Instagram, so if you wanna connect with me there, I, I chat with a lot of people there. It’s at Amber, Emily Smith.

Amber: And then my website is Arise with amber.com. That’s where you can find like future speaking events. If I’m coming to a place, close to you, I would love to meet you, pray with you. And then we have our, our family YouTube channel called The Smiths. It’s the Smiths tv, but usually, yeah, over on Instagram.

Amber: That’s where, that’s where you’ll find me.

Kelly: awesome. Well, Amber, I just wanna tell you thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your hard story with us. Thank you for writing the book. I’m so grateful for the journey that God has taken you on. I know it brings hope to many people. Thanks for joining me today.

Amber: Thank you so much for having me.

If you were encouraged in your faith today, it’d be great if you’d help get the word out by subscribing, sharing with a friend, or leaving a review. I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out through my [00:30:00] website, kelly hall.org and pick up some free resources while you’re there. Thanks for listening to the Unshakeable Hope podcast.