Podcast

26. Fullness of Joy In Parenting Special Needs Adults. Kim Cusimano

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Unshakable Hope Podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kelly Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions, such as, How do I trust God’s heart when His ways and delays are breaking mine? How can I believe God is good when life doesn’t seem good? My prayer is that God would renew our hope in these conversations, and that each of us would experience the very real power of His presence and love.

Kelly: Hey friends, you may have noticed the title and wondered if this podcast is for you, but even if you’re not a caregiver and don’t have special needs children, I think today’s podcast will encourage and equip you for those spaces in your life where your expectations remain unmet and maybe you’re longing for a little more joy or contentment.

For Kim, it was the realization that she and her husband would have a “hybrid nest” rather than an empty nest. Kim shares about [00:01:00] learning how to celebrate differently and how to exchange self pity for gratitude. We’ll also hear a time when she had to surrender everything to God in her darkest season, and we’ll laugh about how her son’s lost prosthetic eye was finally discovered in a most unlikely place.

Kim Cusimano is a wife, mother of four, writer and teacher. As a mother to two special needs young adults, she is driven by a passion to encourage everyone around her to live fully in light of their God given potential.

Kim and I met, last year in an airport due to some big thunderstorms on our way to a conference. We have so much in common. We instantly clicked. I’m glad you’re going to get to meet her today.

So, Welcome, Kim, to the podcast. I’m so glad you’re here.

Kim: Thank you, Kelly. Thank you for having me. It was such a joy to meet you last summer. And so to think we can spend this time [00:02:00] together is great and hopefully encourage your listeners along the way.

Kelly: I love how God connects people. I’d love for you to start by just telling us a little bit about yourself,

Kim: yes, absolutely. So my name is Kim and I’m a born and bred Okie. I live outside of Oklahoma City in a suburb. And we enjoy a little bit of OU football when we’re winning. And when we’re not winning, we just wait till the next week. Anyway, it’s been a great place to grow up. And even now for us to raise our family, mostly in Oklahoma. I’ve been married to my husband, Joe, for 31 years.

And many years ago, we started building our family through adoption and most specifically international adoption. Our children are, all four, adopted from Korea. And so that’s been a big adventure in our life to add another influence of another culture. And we’ve had a lot of fun with that. As we’ve encouraged them to learn, and we’ve traveled back to Korea before as a family. And so that’s been just a great adventure [00:03:00] that the Lord’s allowed us to have.

Our 1st adoption was our oldest son, and we knew that he was a special needs baby and there’s a God story even behind how we came to say that we wanted to be Nate’s parents. And really each of our 4 children have their own adoption stories and God just was in all the details for each one.

Our son, Nate had some significant physical things, he had a syndrome that came with a minor heart defect that was going to have to be corrected with surgery. His right eye didn’t develop and so he eventually needed the orbit of his eye cleaned out and he wears a prosthetic eye. In fact, he just got a brand new one and as he gets ready to turn 27 as an adult now, he doesn’t need a new eye very often. So it’s very monumental that this last week, he got a brand new one that he’ll probably wear for many years to come.

Kelly: I’m sorry, I’m [00:04:00] gonna interrupt you. Nate is your oldest son.

Kim: Nate is our oldest son. Our 2nd adoption was our oldest daughter. We have 2 sons, 2 daughters, and we were very symmetrical. We adopted our son. We adopted a daughter. We adopted another son, another daughter.

Anyway, but when it came to our oldest daughter, we knew that there was some information in her mother’s, her birth mother’s profile, that put her at risk. She was born a healthy baby, but the birth mother did have mental illness in her history and what little bit of information they gave us, It was rather severe.

She had lived part of her life, institutionalized. And the diagnosis was that her birth mother had schizophrenia and we did take that seriously. 20 some years ago, I remember us praying. I remember us researching in many ways, though, God still allowed, I think [00:05:00] naivety allowed us some courage to walk in faith that there was a possibility that this would not be an issue in her life.

But by the time she was just a little girl, even as early as age 4, we knew that some things were starting to happen that didn’t seem like typical development and but anyway, it just progressed from there as we learned that she did inherit severe mental illness.

Kelly:  Gosh, that must have been so heartbreaking when you made that discovery. It’s also so interesting, this journey that God took you and your husband on, and we’ll get more into that in just a second. But you shared a scripture with me about how God has been speaking, and it was really about finding rest in places where you might have been feeling discontentment, so I’d love for you to share that with us.

Kim: A number of weeks ago, I read a couple of verses that grabbed me enough that I kept, even if I was [00:06:00] reading another Bible passage for the day, I would flip back and read that one again. And it was a passage in Psalms 131:2. And it says, Surely I have composed and quieted my soul like a weaned child rests against his mother. My soul is like a weaned child within me. I was so drawn to it for a few days in a row, I wanted to just read a short commentary about that passage because I couldn’t get away from it and it said when a weaned child rests against their mother’s breast or chest, they’re no longer rooting around for the breasts and milk.

They’re resting, actually in the comfort of their mother. And that just opened up the verse for me. I thought that I want to see God instead of everything that I want him to do for me, that I would choose to focus on resting in [00:07:00] him, knowing that he’s the God of resources, how many promises he gives to me, but that I would rest in him and him alone.

And the 1st part of that verse says, surely I have composed and quieted my soul. And I thought. God, you have given me some choice and responsibility that I can choose to quiet my soul like, Lord, I would think that’s your responsibility. And I think a lot of times we think it is God’s responsibility to quiet our soul.

But this verse reminds me it is my responsibility to choose to rest at the breasts of my heavenly Father, and I get to make a conscious choice to do that. And so I’ve continued over the last number of weeks to reread that passage. And I just thought, I think it does go with my age and season of life, although I wished I would have understood it more in my 30s and my 40s, but at this season, I’m [00:08:00] thinking, Lord, I can just rest there and that does reflect where I am after all of these years.

Kelly: So it’s just this picture of resting in him instead of striving. And I think that’s something we learn for the rest of our lives. I don’t, I can’t even think of a time as an adult, that I wasn’t learning what it meant to trust the Lord rather than lean on my own understanding.

Okay, now one of the things that really impressed me when I heard your story was how you and your husband knew. You knew that these were special needs kids you were adopting and there was some trepidation, but as you prayed, it sounds like God met you in that space and just somehow assured you that this was his path for you. So can you just share a little bit about how God talked to you? Because I think that’s something we all wonder. How does God speak to other people?

Kim: Yeah, sure. I know looking [00:09:00] back like 20 some years ago now, I’ve thought a lot about that because my husband and I were not risk takers. Neither one of us. He’s more of an engineering mind. So he wants to be told all the possible outcomes and no one, no one could tell him all the outcomes.

But I look back at the young people that we were and I think God did move our hearts and minds in a direction that we didn’t know how to move ourselves. And there are the verses that says, God directs our steps. And I think so often we feel like we’re flailing, arguing with ourselves and debating and wondering if we should do such and such, but usually it boils down to a strong sense of a next step.

And so even with our children, we weren’t even sure what adoption agency or how we would start an adoption process and many people ask us why we did international adoption. And the only answer I have is that I, we started [00:10:00] praying and within a few weeks, we met literally 3 different families who had used the same adoption agency that we had never heard of before and that seemed like a clear next step. So we attended an information meeting by them. And then there was, like, the next step we had to…they work with different international countries at the time.

And all 3 families had adopted from Korea. So we’re like that’s what God brought across our path. So we did that next step. And then how we come to adopt our special needs son, God just led his picture to be in front of us.

In an unlikely way that, you know, that we found out about him, my husband was a holdout because he’s just…can we take care of this little boy? What would be the outcome of his health? But I let it set for, I think, really, almost 2 weeks went by and we didn’t reference it anymore. In fact, I thought that my husband was just no, we’re not [00:11:00] going to do this.

And then randomly, one day, he made a comment about, I guess we could find out more about this little boy’s health. And once he did that, the 2 specialists that we contacted and asked some questions, both gave us thumbs up. And one of them, I’ll never forget the very 1st one, he was a gentleman that ended up making Nate’s prosthetic eye.

Back in the day, I opened the yellow pages. I called an information line to this building and this lady’s like, how may I direct your call? And I said, my husband and I are interested in adopting a baby that has no right eye, who should I talk to? And she puts me through to this gentleman. Nate just got a new eye and Henry still has worked on Nate’s eyes 26 ish years.

We’re all getting a little more gray hair. But as I hugged Henry goodbye the other day, after he worked on Nate’s eye, I thought as I walked out [00:12:00] to the parking lot, I still think of Henry saying… and at the time he was a stranger…My husband and I, he agreed to meet with us. He said, bring me whatever information you have. So we brought this little VHS cassette tape that the adoption agency had mailed to us when we said we might be interested and he put it in a VHS player and he watched Nate on this little blanket.

Nate was 3 or 4 months old at the time of this video and he looked at us and he said, I see no reason this little guy shouldn’t have a family. You bring him to me when you get him home and I’ll fix him up. Oh, and Nate turns 27 next week, and we still were at Henry’s office the other day and to think that God is that resourceful and that clear.

And then we took the tape on to a friend’s pediatrician and she said she gave the thumbs up. And after those 2 people, my husband said, okay, then. [00:13:00] Sounds like God’s saying we should take this little boy and I just look back and I think of my husband’s personality and I don’t know on a different day if he might answer differently. But in that day, after those 2 appointments were, there was one each day for 2 days in a row and that just gave him the peace he needed to take the next step.

Kelly: It’s such a joyful story. I love how he directed your hearts into this decision

Kim: and it had to do with strangers. That’s how you know, God, when God begins to use…when strangers are involved going, Hey, you should do this. Hey, I’ll help you out. You’re like, thank you, Lord, for that affirmation.

Kelly: And then 27 years later, he’s still a part of y’all’s lives. That’s very cool. Okay. Let’s step back into your story. You told us a little bit about your daughter and you realized when she was young that she had significant mental health issues. So can you just describe some of that and then [00:14:00] take us to where you are today with your family?

Kim: When she was about four, we began to see some red flags. She didn’t use a lot of communication. She could communicate…we realized she didn’t usually answer an open ended question… just different things where communication seemed more limited. She did start to talk to herself quite a bit. She would use facial expressions and turn and laugh at the wall and, just things that seemed unusual and even with the information we had, we first thought she might be autistic.

Because mental illness, we didn’t think would manifest itself at such a young age in a child, although, as we started to look things up, there is something called onset childhood schizophrenia and eventually a specialist said, if it has been very prominent in a family line, you’ll get to the point where a child will have the traits at a very young age. Now, God, again, in his [00:15:00] graciousness provided specialists and funny enough, our son, Nate, had been evaluated by a neurologist after he had come home from Korea and was two or three years old.

And because I had that contact, I called an office and basically said, would you have doctor so and so give me a call. And because she knew my name and recognized it, I got a fairly quick call from this doctor of neurology who headed up this whole fancy department. And she said, bring her in, and they did a day work up on her. We took some video along with us to this all day appointment and the next week we went back as they were going to go over all this testing.

She said, I’d like to recommend pediatric psychiatry and they confirmed the diagnosis of early onset childhood schizophrenia. And then over her childhood, she responded very well to one medication that they started her on…it made me really nervous to [00:16:00] start a medication.  One of the doctors said, if we do nothing, it can cause her adulthood to be less functioning. After we did try something, she responded very well and it gave us a great 7 years of childhood kind of restored.

We continued to travel. We could do things as a family. Onset of adolescence was very hard on her and we saw some deterioration or skills and abilities and now that she’s in her early 20s, she takes more medication We’ve had some dark days where she lost enough function that she didn’t function well with things like agitation, anger, not being able to… losing more of her ability to communicate, but with some newer medications, she went through her first hospitalization about 2 years ago.

We are getting some of it back a little at a time and so I’m just in a season of being grateful to the Lord for coming out of a hard, a really hard season. And so it’s [00:17:00] certainly been a journey and anyone that struggles with mental illness or takes care of someone that does. Stepping back and realizing there will certainly be some ebb and flow, the hard days don’t usually stay. The sun will come up sometime, but it can be a long haul.

Kelly: Yeah, that just sounds like a lot of uncertainty about what the outcome would look like. And so you’re really having to just lean into the Lord and trust that he’s going to make a way for you, for your family, for your daughter.

I’d love to hear just where y’all are right now in your family. You have 2 kids that have that are out of the home and 2 that are in the home. So what is your life look like right now?

Kim: Yeah, we do. We joke about trying to get rid of some of them if we can. So our oldest son and oldest daughter are in our home. And our oldest son, Nate, who wears the prosthetic eye, he’s pretty high functioning. He does have some developmental issues, but he works part time at Whataburger and he’s very proud of his job and he has regular customers. They [00:18:00] bring him birthday gifts…the whole thing. He’s well loved and he’s very social.

He doesn’t drive. So that’s always kind of part of my schedule is, Nate. Drive him to work, you pick him up and all that goes with that. But he is also very helpful. He’s probably his sister’s best companion. He can, they can stay home together. He’s proficient with his phone. He can communicate well.

He can talk to neighbors if an emergency or something. And so I can run around town and do errands if they’re are home together. But they are both in our home. Our daughter does take, you might say full time care like someone does. We don’t leave her alone in our home. Our 3rd is our son. Our youngest son is in the Navy and he’s overseas right now on a destroyer ship.

So all prayers appreciated for him as he serves in that capacity.

Kelly: Absolutely. I have a nephew in the Navy as well. Who’s over there.

Kim: That’s right. Yeah, [00:19:00] we mentioned that we had that in common. And then our youngest is our youngest daughter, and she’s in college, which is local in our community, but she does live on campus. So she comes in and out. If she hears that dinner is better than what the cafeteria is over at the school. So we see her often.

Kelly: That’s wonderful. So one of the things that I’ve noticed when I’ve heard you speak , I’ve noticed that you’ve learned how to celebrate differently. You see your life through a God lens rather than a worldly lens. And I can so relate to that because as when my kids were growing up, they had huge language delays due to the deafness and I would hear Oh, from other parents, all the cute things, their young toddlers would say, and a part of me would grieve.

But then I would have to say, Hey, we celebrate one sound at a time where other people are celebrating entire conversations and that’s okay. My celebration [00:20:00] looks different, but it’s still valid and it’s still wonderful. So I know that you’ve talked a lot about how to celebrate differently, how to see differently in your special circumstances. Could you describe some of that?

Kim: Sure, yes, we are. We’ve adjusted how we celebrate. You’re right. Some of it we did probably unintentionally, just making natural adjustments along the way. And then other times, I think we’ve been very intentional. One thing is, I say, it’s wonderful to celebrate the small, don’t wait on the big things, because the small things may be much more frequent and fun to celebrate.

The other thing is, I don’t know that we need a reason to celebrate. Sometimes my daughter and I, as we spend most of our time together every day, will end up celebrating just that we’ve had a good day. And I may celebrate that just in my own mind and heart or her and I may grab lunch out because it’s a beautiful day and we [00:21:00] just want to go grab lunch out.

And so I would say, we don’t have to wait. No one makes the rules for celebration. That we should celebrate yeah…. small and for no reason at all. And then sometimes my husband and I’ve made a few even financially. We’ve made adjustments. Some things as simple as when we had 4 kids and we were a family of 6, we almost never went for ice cream. We would buy our half gallon of ice cream, because that was cheaper but it is more fun that we take our oldest son and oldest daughter that we just go out and grab some ice cream.

We are in the middle of trying to figure out how to travel more easily. The other day, thanks to the support of grandma and some family friends, I was able to travel with my husband and we haven’t taken our daughter in a flight in years, and he had often said we would probably fly with her no more, but she is doing better on her more current medications.

And we started to dream a little bit that maybe [00:22:00] she could go on a direct, like a direct short flight. Yeah. Then we started talking about what if we paid for the TSA, clear line where we could go through security a little faster. Keep stimulus and things a little lower for her and make the difference in us being able to travel. I think sometimes just saying, it’s worth it. It’s worth the adjustments we don’t ever want to get to a point of saying, we’re not willing to try to live. God has given us abundant life. So we want to live it to the fullest, making any adjustments we can to keep moving forward.

Kelly: Absolutely. You just communicate so much joy and that’s, that shows that you’re leaning on the Lord in all these places. You’re not succumbing to. Self pity. I don’t know if that’s ever something you have to combat, but surely you have days when you’re, you see someone else’s life and you feel a little sorry for yourself. How do you come to the Lord in that space? And how has [00:23:00] he spoken to you?

Kim: I Certainly do. I try to keep it to just a pause or a moment. I think it’s fine to experience grief to the point that we don’t let it grip us internally and take root, sometimes you’re gardening and you pull out a weed, you’re acknowledging the weed and you yank it out because you don’t want it to get bigger.

And maybe it’s been there for a few days. And I think that’s our right that we have moments of grief, something sometimes for me, I, social media can be a joy stealer if we’re not careful and I can be on social media. And I remember our children at, we had them attend a heritage adoption camp in the summers when they were young.

And so some of these children they were with for quite a few summers at this one week heritage camp. And some of those young ladies now that Anna was in these little groups with, they’re getting married. So I’ll hop on social media sometimes and [00:24:00] there will be their wedding picture. And for some reason, that over and over has been something that can get me occasionally and now I recognize it. I just have to turn and think she’s doing well. Now I’m grateful for what we have. I’m grateful for what she can do. And it just has to be an exchange of gratitude. I know that if I give grief and self pity, a space, everything takes up space whether it’s even in our minds and our hearts.

So I don’t want grief to take up the space where gratitude and appreciation of the Lord. I want that to be the larger space. So I certainly have my moments and it’s often things that catch you totally off guard, and that’s what a lot of people will say about grief. Grief doesn’t come waving a flag, letting you know it’s coming, but there’s a wave of it unexpectedly.

And I think as we age and we have enough experiences. I can redirect it faster than maybe in [00:25:00] years past,

Kelly: so I love the picture of the weed being tossed out and also the exchange of grief for gratitude. We never want to diminish our grief. We always want to acknowledge it and process whatever needs to be processed, but the exchange and the moving to gratitude.

I feel like that’s so helpful. I know you have a friend who wrote a book about empty nesting at one point, and you thought about, oh, that is not going to be my story, and so you’ve had to readjust your thinking as well. And you have found so much joy and purpose in this season. And you’ve come up with some practical helps that really help other caregivers process some of the things that they’re going through and find joy in those places where they might feel lonely or isolated.

So can you share that with us? I’ve listened to you share this and I have found it really helpful.

Kim: Yeah, a few years ago, I was at a conference. A lady’s book was actually given to everyone who attended the [00:26:00] conference in our gift bags. And it was an author. I respect and a speaker and I respect her a great deal.

But her book that we got gifted that time was about being an empty nest mom and, being able to move forward as a woman and do some new, fresh things and enjoy your marriage and this or that in different ways. And I remember looking at the title thinking, I don’t need to read this.

I did eventually read it. Even as our youngest son went off to college, I happened to notice the book 1 day on my book case. And of course, I was feeling all the things mom’s feel when we Do send a kid off and I enjoyed the book. I got things I got some great principles from the book and some things I just started to modify.

My husband and I joke about we like to call ours a hybrid empty nest. There are some things just because the school years are over. But we still have a little more freedom, even having our oldest son and oldest daughter with us. [00:27:00] We don’t live by the school calendar anymore. And I rejoice about that every fall and every May when other mothers are my young mom pals are frantic about all the last details and I’m having coffee out on my patio, my daughter is sitting there with me, but at least we’re together hanging out on the patio.

And that’s the thing perspective is everything right. And so even though it does not look maybe like some other moms, I have mom friends who enjoy tennis who go to book clubs, who do a lot of different things. They volunteer, which, is all these things are wonderful and it’s a part of their new season. Yeah most of those things I just said I can’t do.

However, a few weeks ago. I mentioned the book club because I had a couple of friends that go to book club each week and I’ve been invited, but it’s not something I can’t take my daughter with me on something like that. So I decided to start a book club at [00:28:00] my home because there’s nothing stopping me from inviting a few women to my home. My daughter can do a little craft or watch a movie or something like that. And so I just invited 5 women. It’s very small and. Yeah. We just finished our first book and starting on our second.

And I just thought I can do book club, but I need, the only difference is I need to host it at my home. So now I got a little book club. So it’s just that modification. And the other thing, Kelly, that I think is important is for a while, this seasonal change got me down a bit as some of my mom friends started doing some things I thought were really grand, maybe even more travel and things like that.

And then there was a point where God brought the phrase in my mind, God given responsibilities,, it’s probably one of the most key foundational things that started to change in me is realizing that these are the responsibilities God’s given me, man didn’t give them to me, [00:29:00] God did, and that must be, the best that God has for me.

That’s his best. That’s where I must flourish. That must be where I can use some of my gifts and talents. Often I think we look for bigger and grander ways that we think God will use us when every day. We’re most likely as caregivers being used in a great way. There’s not a lot of fanfare, and, sometimes people will comment about, oh, you’re good to take care of your children or whatever.

And it’s very nice for people to say that, but even that’s not quite the same is just being content in the Lord. His affirmation that I’m doing what he’s called me to do. Yeah. And even the fun. I’m here with you today when you and I met our friendship flourished over some things we had in common and 1 was like, in serving and caring for our children.

And I gained you as a special friend. I can. Give, the Lord gratitude for that. We’re spending this time together [00:30:00] today because of that. And so there are a lot of riches in my life that have come through my children. And so I’m just very grateful and realize that I don’t have to go around looking for fulfillment or big title themes to enjoy my God given responsibilities, it may be just that my daughter and I go to lunch and that my time is spent with her during the day. And then we go pick her brother up at work

Kelly: That’s so sweet. That’s one of the phrases. God gave me to me many years ago. When I just asked him about my life and how to see my life. And it was just this phrase. This is what it means to pick up your cross and follow me. It’s not some grand sacrificial public thing that you are just walking in your God given responsibilities. It’s very simple and it’s very profound and it’s sacred.

Kim, I know you often speak to caregivers, but I really think that your message applies to anybody who has walked into a season full of [00:31:00] unexpected, unmet expectations, I guess I would say. They think it’s going to be a season of empty nesting, but oops, no, it’s not. They think it’s going to be a season of health and wellness, but no, it’s not.

Kelly: And so I think you have, I’ve heard you share an analogy before, an illustration of a way that we can look at our lives. Through a different perspective that helps us trust God in those unexpected places. Do you mind sharing that?

Kim: Sure. I, a while back I came across a story that really, it really stuck with me. I thought I need to hold on to this one. And it was another special needs mom that I follow on social media. Her and her husband were able to take a 20 year anniversary trip to, they chose to go to London for one week.

And it was really a work week. They were only going to get to be there. They flew on Sunday, coming home on Friday, pretty condensed for an international trip. And. I saw her post leading up to the trip. She was [00:32:00] very excited and when she came back on social media, she said, yeah, I want to give an update. We had a great trip.

She said 1 thing I noticed, though, before we left, I had a lot of questions about why aren’t you staying longer and. Then some people just said, we wish you could stay longer because they were aware that they had an autistic son and that they could not be gone that long because they had a family helping them take care of him while they were gone.

And she said, there was something about those questions that stole some joy from that trip. And she said, when I really got to thinking about it, everyone has limitations. They were only seeing the limitations of us. Providing care to our son. But she said, when I think about it, everybody, whether it’s their budget limitations, whether it’s their vacation day limitations, whether it’s their own health or something that might prevent them from travel, she said, we all have limitations, [00:33:00] but so many we don’t notice because they’re part of our everyday life.

And she said, sometimes we just highlight and focus on the wrong things. And she said, people looking at us from the outside were focusing on our responsibilities of caregiving for our son, instead that we even got the opportunity to go on this wonderful trip. And she said, we knew with our time, our budget and our son that we could choose one city and have a great time for a few days.

And I don’t know why that particular story made such impact on me, but I thought how true that we all have to operate within limitations of some kind. Is this what we choose to focus on? That is

Kelly: so powerful. I know that there are probably dozens of deep spiritual applications in that place. We can focus on the limitations we have in our life as well.

We can’t just take [00:34:00] off with our whole family at Christmas because our, one of our daughters can’t, she can’t endure traveling very well. And so it’s easy to focus on those limitations. But what if we focused? On the joy of each day, the gift of each day, and I think it’s kind of an attitude of being aware of God’s presence and gifts in your everyday moments and then responding to that with a heart of gratitude.

Thank you for sharing that.

Kim: Yeah. I’ve heard it said many times by people that the harder we’re pressed down, the more we learn about God’s character.

And I agree. I think this journey with special needs children and especially mental illness, there have been some days where it was really God or bust. I knew that was about all I could stand on and honestly, even though we’ve had some wonderful doctors and specialists in our kids lives over the years. I would say respectfully that it’s discouraging realizing they [00:35:00] don’t really often have the answers.

And so I’ve had a real sense of not being able to put faith in man and. I remember one night crying and praying is one of the darkest times we had just before our daughter had to be hospitalized for the first time. The few nights leading up before she was hospitalized. We actually had a friend of family stay with us.

We needed that much help. She wasn’t sleeping, but maybe a couple of hours. She had started having some seizures. We’d never had before. It was a scary, Yeah. few days for sure. But my friend had gone to try to get some rest in another room and it was my turn out on our couch where we could see if my daughter came out of her room and things like that.

I remember praying saying, Lord , I can’t even see our way out of this. You have to come through, you have to come through and we were waiting. There was a point where we found out we thought one facility she could go to, but she’s also intellectually challenged, which [00:36:00] really reduced our choices she couldn’t just be admitted to a hospital psychiatric ward for treatment because they, they treat them as adults in those facilities, but she’s intellectually challenged enough…She needs more care and help. And so there was one place in the state of Oklahoma that was recommended that we could take her. And after we reached out to them, they said, call us every single day. And we will try to get her a bed, but call every day to make sure you’re right in front of our face.

And so every day I called. And there was a point of thinking, Lord, what if we don’t get help? I don’t think we can survive this. We’ve got someone, we had a lady move in with us for 2 weeks just to, help us function. But I thought, God it’s got to be you or nothing.

of course, there was a bed provided in that facility. She got good care. She got newer medications that are helping, helping her do stabilize and do well and God work through all that. But in my [00:37:00] mind, I know for all of the rest of my life. That is only God or bust because his character is proven that if I stack God up against man there’s no comparison, right?

I said know the Lord, know the comfort of the Lord. Know the faithfulness, the resources the love and compassion of the Lord. And so when you have those moments that are building blocks of faith, right? So I will have those always for the rest of my life. And if we go through other dark seasons, I’ll remember that night, even burying my head in the couch.

Thinking God, I do, we do not know what to do. We do not know what to do. You either help or, we’re all going to go crazy around here trying to take care of her. So anyway, I think there’s just a point that God’s character comes out and. When you allow God’s character to be what flourishes in your home and your attitude, that is where the fruit of the Spirit, the joy, the peace the patience with each other and your [00:38:00] family and so forth.

So when the joy and things like that reflect and grow out of the character of God, then you’re living in those places. And so I think it’s first the hard places, then it’s meeting God’s character face to face, then it’s beginning to see the fruit. That the Holy Spirit is planted as the Lord and walk with the Lord.

And so it’s just a, it’s a beautiful journey. I think sometimes we only see just a tiny bit of it, but it’s really deep and it’s over our lifetimes, but I just been celebrating that as I’ve made it this 50 some odd years. That I’m starting to see that all of those connections,

Kelly: it’s so beautiful. Wow. I think you’ve summed up this beautiful message of hope that people can just take into their hearts. But I also wanted you to share before we end the funny story of how Nate lost his eye in your house and how y’all found it.

Yes, Kim: you’ll have to. You’ll have to find a [00:39:00] place for this story, Kelly. That’s for sure. And it’s funny that you comment about wanting me to share a funny story because nowhere today did I mention the role of humor, but if we are not willing to laugh at some of even our difficult places or make a little light. Of this is our life and we’re going to keep living it the best we can.

Humor plays a huge part in just sometimes releasing the stress and built up anxiety. And 1 of the funniest stories…Nate does wear a prosthetic guy when the gentleman made his very 1st eye.. I think was 18 months old. Get this little tiny acrylic shell of an eye and the gentleman said someday he’ll lose it, swallow it or chase girls with it. Take it out and tease girls and things and my husband, I walked out to the car and I said, that man’s got to be crazy.

How would you ever lose an eye or swallow it? And so when Nate was about [00:40:00] 5, 6 years old, he came downstairs 1 morning and his eye wasn’t. in his, eye wasn’t in his eye socket. I said, Nate, where’s your eye? And he didn’t know. And I just figured he had lost it in his bed that maybe it slipped out while he was sleeping.

We’d had that happen. So I go up tear his bed apart. There’s no eye. And so we tear the house apart over a couple of days. He had not when the last time he had been in the car, he had an eyeball. yeah, we still took the car apart and we could not find the eye. I did dump the toy box out and things like that.

Couldn’t find it.. We just called back to his name is Henry and we’re like, Henry, we’ve lost the eye. He said if you want to fly him back, I’ll make another one and he just laughed. It happens to everyone. And I’m thinking this is the craziest thing. So we waited almost 2 weeks and my husband decided to fly back with Nate. I was going to stay home with our other children. They were [00:41:00] all fairly young. Nate and Joe board a plane to Oklahoma City. And the very day they’re flying, after two weeks of looking, I decide I will clean out Nate’s toys, like to get rid of some while he’s not home.

And even though I had dumped that toy box and not found the eye, when I got ready to touch each toy to sort them, I heard a rattle in one of these little toy trucks and his eye was in this toy truck, and then his youngest brother admitted that before they went to bed, Nate was playing with it.

And then the younger brother got it and threw it and it had landed in the toy box, but had gone in this little toy truck inside of it.

Kelly: So that’s just crazy.

Kim: Anyway, that gentleman  when he told us to bring Nate home. And he said we would lose it. We did. And so they still came home with a new eye, we thought we might as well have a spare. [00:42:00] They’re not cheap by the way, though, if you have to go, if you have to go around buying prosthetic eyes, you need to budget a little bit.

Kelly: No kidding. It’s the same with cochlear implants. Yes. Many adventures searching for parts over the years. Kim, this has been so much fun talking with you today. You just have a wealth of wisdom that is very comforting for those of us who are walking in seasons that we weren’t expecting. And so I would love for you just to share how people can get in touch with you.

Kim: Sure my website is fulljoyministries.com and it’s set up to encourage special needs parents. There are some new blogs that are posted periodically. I do have articles that are in a number of books. Those books are on my website. I am on Facebook and Instagram, and I know Kelly, you can put all that in the comments, but love to have you visit my website or even personal email that Kelly lists for you. I love to encourage people. If something’s on your heart [00:43:00] in this area of caregiving or special needs parenting, then reach out to me. I would love to hear from you.

Kelly: Thank you so much for being here.

Kim: Thank you. Kelly. I just had a great time spending this time with you.

Thanks for listening to the Unshakable Hope Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please subscribe and leave a review. To continue the conversation and for free resources, be sure to visit me at kellyhall. org. Thanks so much.