Podcast

Hope and Rescue from Debilitating Anxiety. Caris Snider

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Unshakable Hope Podcast, where real life intersects redeeming love. I’m Kelly Hall, and this is where we wrestle through faith questions, such as, How do I trust God’s heart when His ways and delays are breaking mine? How can I believe God is good when life doesn’t seem good? My prayer is that God would renew our hope in these conversations, and that each of us would experience the very real power of His presence and love.

Hey, friends. I’m so glad you’re here today. We’re going to be talking about the number one health issue people are dealing with today for a variety of reasons. And that is anxiety. You’re going to meet Caris Snider, who will share how anxiety almost took her life and how the Lord rescued her from deep despair and hopelessness.

She’s going to underline the significance of acknowledging mental health issues and seeking professional help. And also being [00:01:00] open and honest about our struggles to both God and trusted people in our lives. She is such a delight and a joy. You are going to love our conversation today.

Caris is the author of five books. She’s a speaker, a coach, and is deeply passionate about helping people of all ages live lives that are full of hope in the Lord.

So, Karis, welcome to the podcast.

Caris: Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Kelly: I’m so glad you’re here. Why don’t you start by telling us about yourself? And then if you could also just include how God is speaking to you currently in this season in your life.

Caris: Absolutely. So I live in Alabama. If you can hear that Southern accent there, that is the reason

I’ve been here practically my whole life. My husband and I, we’ve been married for 19 years. We’re going to celebrate 20 years in 2024. So that is exciting and unbelievable all at the same time to even think about.

We have two daughters, [00:02:00] which I have to tell you, Kelly, it just goes into, to me, God’s sense of humor, because I grew up with brothers, I have two brothers. And then the lawyer was like, let’s just give you two daughters. Let’s go with two girls for you. And my oldest daughter, her name’s Zoe. She plays high school basketball.

So we are big sports fans around here. We love basketball and she’s a ninth grade. We’re about to hit that season of life where we have a driver in the house. She’s going to get her permit. And then my youngest daughter, Allie, she’s in fifth grade. She is 11 and we have entered in to volleyball.

With her, which I play volleyball in high school. So I’m very excited that we are kind of on this path with her. So I love being a sports mom and just being a part of their life in that way. We’re very involved, in our church PTO, all the things within our community. We love to serve, my husband and I, we serve on the worship team at our church.

So when I’m home, I’m there. If I’m not traveling and [00:03:00] speaking, I am at home serving. Alongside him. And we even have a dog. I know that many of you are very close to your animals in your life. He is our fur child. We call him, he’s our little mini golden doodle, Cooper Hashbrown. Kids love when I talk about Cooper Hashbrown, when I go and speak to them and in schools or conferences.

So he has been a delight to have in our life. You’ll understand this just being in the ministry world that we are in as a speaker and writer, we go through these seasons that’s hard sometimes and, you might feel alone and maybe, people might be listening that are not speakers or writers, but they may feel alone.

They may be searching God’s word for his answers for direction for clarity. Wondering God, are you there? And I gotta be honest, that’s kind of where I’m at right now, just in this season of life, I like to keep it very transparent whenever I’m on a podcast and a scripture, I have three on my bathroom window, not window, my bathroom mirror that I look at every day.

And the one that [00:04:00] really speaks to me currently is Psalms 27 verses 13 and 14. And it says this, I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord. I am not a good wait-er. I’m just not, I am…I’m learning that about myself, but I’m learning that even though in this season, it may feel like God is quiet. He’s not… he’s there. He’s leading me to his word. He’s reminding me, that he speaks in that still small voice. And sometimes we just have to wait. So I find myself in the season of waiting and his goodness is there in the waiting. And the good and the hard. And so that’s kind of this scripture has been one that I cling to right now. And I see myself just on in the next few months that this will be one that will continue to just speak truth and life to my heart and life.

Kelly: Yeah. Amen. [00:05:00] I love that scripture. I have memories of me parading through my house, raising my hand toward heaven and shouting that scripture. So encouraging. Even though I can’t see you, I know you’re at work. I know I’m going to see it. It just fills your heart with so much faith.

Caris: Yes.

Kelly: Can you please explain your dog’s name to me?

Caris: Okay. So when we got him, he is six years old. He was a Christmas present for our daughters. And when they opened him up and saw him in the box, they said to us, they said, mom, that he looks like a tater tot. Can we name him hash brown? And we were like, makes sense. Great. That’ll be great. And so Cooper… our kids, kids have wonderful imaginations. And so our daughters would pretend to have a dog or they would take turns being the dog whenever they would play with one another.

And the name they would always use was Cooper. They would always say their, that the dog is Cooper. So when we got a real dog [00:06:00] and they said he looked like a tater tot, they were like Cooper Hashbrown. That’s his name. We said, okay we like your thinking. That’s what we’ll go with. So that’s the story.

Kelly: I love it. Well, on that note, I’d love for you to just jump into your journey of how you even realized you were struggling with anxiety because I have a couple kids who do have anxiety disorders and they had panic attacks. I had no idea what that was. So I’d love to hear how you realized it. And then also I’m very curious if this began in childhood. Has this always been a part of your life?

Caris: Sure. So I love that question and I love the both parts of that. I’ll tell you back in 2011, anxiety and depression almost took my life. It started out for me as anxiety and I am always very transparent about this. I was one of those that was a leader in church that did not believe anxiety and depression were real.

I just [00:07:00] thought if you said you were struggling that more or less you were feeling sorry for yourself that you were just whining, maybe other people you have you come into contact with were like that. My, my advice and encouragement to you would be to just pray harder. Try harder, it’s going to be fine. Don’t worry about it. Suck it up buttercup would be if I knew you really well, that would be kind of where I landed and that is not the truth. That is not filled with the compassion of Jesus and if anyone has heard that, I just want to pause and say to you, I’m so sorry. But that’s where I was when all this started and I was a master of the mask.

I would have these attacks, like they were panic attacks, but I didn’t realize that would be what was going on. My heart, out of the middle of nowhere, could be driving down the road sitting in our church, listening to the pastor preaching, or I could be sitting at my kids activities. My heart would just begin to race.

Out of the middle of nowhere, I would go from being able to breathe good, normal [00:08:00] breath to all of a sudden, I felt breathless. I felt like I was breathing shallow breaths and at any moment. I might faint. I might pass out. My sleep began to leave me because my thoughts would just begin to go into these what ifs.

The worst case scenarios would begin to just play out in my mind. And not that those things were happening, but my brain thought it was real. So I would go into panic mode and kind of be in a paralyzed place. What if something bad happens to my daughter? What if my husband leaves me?

What if the church finds out that I’m struggling and I’m not who I appear to be, on stage? What if I fail God? What if I let everybody down? This, just these constant thoughts would just parade through my mind. So I lost sleep. I would live off of caffeine, which will definitely trigger anxiety attacks in you.

I was starving myself because I wanted to look like everything on the outside was perfect. And it was something that I could control. So I [00:09:00] starved myself to numb the pain instead of dealing with and acknowledging the pain that I was going through. And I found myself getting down to almost 100 pounds and I was not healthy.

And then I moved into to depression because I wasn’t dealing with the anxiety and then I began to think, hey, I’m worthless, hopeless, useless and purposeless and no way can God use somebody like me. And so I found myself at the bottom of the bottom, truly thinking that everyone would be better off without me here in this world….that I had nothing to offer, that I was taking up space and that God would just…He couldn’t use me anymore. He didn’t want to use me anymore. And I’m thankful every day that he whispered into my heart and soul to look up. And when I looked up, I did find help. But after finding help and getting healing and restoration through counseling, going to a doctor, relearning, how to truly think and respond to things in a healthy way, I began to realize that anxiety did begin for [00:10:00] me as a child.

I was born with a mild form of cerebral palsy in the left side of my body. It affects, affected my left arm and my leg and I’ll never forget Kelly in 1st grade, a little boy… He played baseball on my brother’s baseball team and he actually went to church with us.

He gathered my classmates around me and he said, Caris, why do you look like that? I can remember him saying that. And he held up both of his arms the way that I held my left arm up. I didn’t really realize that I did that. My arm, my muscles were so tight in my arm and he hopped around me like a bunny rabbit and said that’s what I look like.

And I didn’t tell anybody. I did not tell anybody that happened. I didn’t tell my parents or my teacher. I was afraid to make it worse. I was afraid no one would believe me. I had that perfectionist mindset to keep it all together, and I can remember going to school the next few days, being anxious and nervous about what might happen.

And back then we didn’t talk about anxiety. We didn’t talk about what those symptoms were, how to deal with it. My grandmother, her generation, they were a [00:11:00] strong generation, but her advice would be put your lipstick on and keep on going because that’s what they had to do with all the things they faced. And so that’s just the way my mom raised me. And so the anxiety for me did begin as a child and it caught up with me as an adult.

Kelly: There’s so many parts of that story that are very powerful and impactful, and I want to go on so many different tangents but I’d love for you to share…As I hear you hiding, that’s how you responded. You didn’t talk about it. And that’s one of the barriers to finding healing. So I would love to know how you were able to finally reach out for help. How you were able to break down the barriers of those lies that you had to hide?

Caris: Yeah. And I, maybe this will speak to someone when I was hiding in my shame, I honestly thought that’s what I deserved…that… that was the safest place for me. I was scared. I was [00:12:00] scared to have hope. I was scared to be honest because I believed the lie of the enemy that God loved everyone else and I grew up in a Christian home.

I came to know Jesus early on in my life, but I begin to believe this lie that God couldn’t help me. That I was far too gone…that I was, I had believed too many lies and I was pushed under so much anxiety and dread and depression that there was no way that God would give me another chance…that I blew it.

That I blew it. That perfectionist in me thought, you’ve messed up. You’ve gone too far away. And in that moment, I remember the bottom for me, I had actually had a miscarriage. I lost a baby. I was about eight weeks pregnant and I had a miscarriage and I remember sitting in the car with my husband weeping, thinking that this is it.

I’ve hurt everyone. I’ve just failed everybody. And I. There’s no [00:13:00] way to come out from under this shame and this guilt and this hurt and this pain and it was in that moment, I truly felt like I could hear His whisper to look up… God’s whisper to look up and when I looked up, you believe these lies when you’re struggling with anxiety and depression that you are alone that no one else is struggling. I began to see that I wasn’t alone.

That in fact, anxiety is the number 1 mental health struggle for all age groups from our children to adults, and it has been for years, and I began to just realize that as I peel back layers that God did not want me to hide from him. In reality, Psalms 94:19 tells us that when anxiety is great within, His comfort brings us joy.

So he wants me to come to him. Jesus even tells us in Matthew, come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. So he’s inviting us to come. And, in my mind, I thought I’ll [00:14:00] come when I fix it. When I clean it all up and we can’t fix it. We can’t clean it all up. And that’s not what He wants from, what He wants from us. He, Jesus, is inviting us to come so he can fix it. So to get out from under that shame was scary. I’m not even going to sit here and pretend like it was easy. It was scary. And it was one little step at a time.

And I remember going down front to my pastor one Sunday for prayer. And he looked at me and he said, you know what? God’s not mad at you. He has a, he still has a purpose and a plan for your life and you have not failed him. You have not failed him. He had no idea what I was coming down front for prayer for and that is what he met me with is God is not Mad at you.

And I think somebody else needs to know that today. He’s not mad at you. And that began the process for me to get freedom out from under that shame. And I have lots of honest conversations with God. I don’t know if you find yourself ever there, but I have to, because if I don’t, it’ll be easy for the enemy to come back in and say, Oh, you can’t talk to [00:15:00] God about that.

Well, yes, I can. He is my Abba father and I can go to him about everything. In fact, he told me to come to him with everything going on in my heart and life. So it was a long process for me, but it was just taking those little steps and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable with what I was really going through.

And that’s where the healing process began because he will heal what we reveal to him. And so, so it is still, I mean, we’re 12 years in and I am a daily work in progress. But I thank him every day that he reached down, he pulled me up and he reminded me, Hey, I’m not mad at you, but I still have a wonderful, beautiful plan for your life.

Kelly: Amen. Wow. Girlfriend. I just want to give you a high five and a hug right now. I’m just right there with you. It is so healing when God says to us, I’m not mad at you. This is not your fault. You’re not a disappointment.

Caris: Yeah. .

Kelly: Oh, that was just so healing… I’ve heard you say that you had to learn to look up. [00:16:00] And not give up. And that was a resolute choice you made. You, you were saying, Hey, I’m not hopeless. God is not done with me. I have hope in the Lord. And so every time you did that, you were refusing lies. And that was what was helping you combat the shame. And so I’m wondering if you have any more you’d like to share about that.

Caris: Yes. I think. Another part that helps me to continuously look up is the helpers. There are helpers. We’re not alone. Galatians 6:2 tells us that we are to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. And so when I looked up, there were helpers there, my doctor, a counselor, my friends and family to help bear the load, because we think we have to bear all of our load and oftentimes if you are a mom or just women, or if you’re a ministry worker, we think I have to bear my load and then everybody else’s [00:17:00] load, but we don’t share our load. We, we might think, Oh, if I share my load and maybe I’m doing something wrong, you’re actually not, that’s actually the way we are intended to go through life together.

So I think that is something that helps me to look up is to know now that I have friends, I have family that I can reach out to and say, Hey, when you pray for me today Hey, today’s a hard day. I’m struggling. And to have those friends who will pray or who will be that safe place for me to maybe share what I need to share and they’ll listen and then they’ll encourage me on, in my life.

So I think that is also helpful, but to also know that God moves us out of when we look up, he moves us out of the less mindset to the full, we’re not hopeless. We are hopeful. We’re not purposeless purpose. Full. You’re not useless. You are useful and you’re not worthless. You are full of worth.

And so I think getting back to that mindset, getting back to the helpers and knowing, that we’re not doing [00:18:00] life alone. I think that’s another thing that helps that does help in the process to look up every day.

Kelly: Amen. Yes, that’s so true. I love the hopeless to hopeful and we always live with this lie that many of us do that. We are not enough, but in Christ, we are more than enough. Right?

Caris: That’s right

Kelly: Just and I, another thing you said, I’m just going to mention is that you were scared to have hope. And that’s what it’s like when we live with constant disappointment or we just live kind of under the weight of a dysfunction or lies.

That’s what it was. It was lies that in shame that were holding you down. So I’m so grateful for what our good Lord does when we run to him. So I’d love to hear your journey. You have this anxiety, you have the anxiety elephants book.

It’s a 31 day devotional to help stamp out your anxiety. And I got that devotional and I’m going to share it with my daughter as [00:19:00] well. And I know you also have the tween versions for boys and for girls, you have five books out there. So tell us about the anxiety elephants and even that journey even to start writing about it.

Caris: Right. So I never saw myself as a writer.

Like, we have this list of things we want to do with our life. Writing was not on my list. I was speaking, traveling, sharing my story and how I learned, how to have healthy coping skills, grounded in biblical truth. And people would ask me, do you have resources that we can take home with us?

And I didn’t. And they were just asking for it. So I began to pray about it, kind of seek the Lord. Through that, I went to a writer’s conference speak up writer’s conference in Michigan, and I had written, this book and we went the route kind of a self published distributor route with Brookstone creative group in writing.

And it came out December 17th, 2019. And then 2020 [00:20:00] happened and only God knew, what was coming. We had all these plans, all these things booked, how to promote the book and the world shut down and we, my plans failed. I mean, they just were not going to work. And that’s where a God came in and he had his plans and he began to use that book.

In ways that I still, I find myself speechless and humbled by how he used that book and from there, my own daughters at that time, they were younger. They were in between, years of their life and they said, mom, will you write a book like this with words? We can understand and that’s where the Lord kind of did a work in my heart to say, hey, remember this all began for you as a child.

All of these things that you struggle with. So if we can equip our tweens, those 8 to 12 year olds with skills in their tool belt on how to respond to anxiety, how much further along can they be, to respond to this elephant that they might deal with? And I describe anxiety feeling like an elephant on [00:21:00] your chest.

And that’s where that title of Anxiety Elephants came from and then my publisher came back to me and said, Hey let’s do a children’s book and a teen book as well. So the children’s book came out this year. There’s an elephant on my chest to help our littles, which I love. Absolutely Love. We’re reaching all age groups, but then I got the opportunity to work with B and H Lifeway for our moms.

Kelly. I live my life in the car line. Okay. Like I am constantly. Picking up my children. Maybe someone is listening to this podcast in their car right now, waiting to get their kids. There’s goldfish in the backseat, their sweatshirts. There’s just a constant coming and going and feeling overwhelmed.

Am I enough? Am I failing? Mom life is a hard life, and we feel alone, but I had this opportunity to write Carline Mom. To let moms know that God is with us in our coming and going and the moments that were there, and it is a hundred days of encouragement for [00:22:00] those mamas with toddlers to teenagers that are counting on you to just take those pauses and spend time with the Lord.

And I love this book. I love that it fits in my door and I can just pull it out and read it anytime that I need to, and I’m sitting still to be reminded of God’s love, his truth, and his promises for us as moms.

Kelly: Oh, I love that. Can you tell me the subtitle of that book?

Caris: Yes. Carline Moms. It’s 100 days of devotional for the mama who’s getting everybody everywhere they need to go.

Kelly: I wish I would have had this when I was spending half my life in the car. It’s so good. And you always Focus so much on scripture. You say what I often say that we need practical help. And the word of God is practical.

As you minister to women across all the age groups and you bring them hope and help in these places of feeling overwhelmed. I’m wondering what words of hope you would offer to them right now that you haven’t already shared with us. I [00:23:00] know you have so much wisdom, so it’s not gonna be hard for you to come up with something.

Caris: I would just want to say to that overwhelmed mom, you’re not alone. You are not alone in what you are experiencing and feeling the season that you’re in right now. It may actually be very overwhelming. And what I would encourage for that mama, or even just, anyone that’s listening to, let’s go to the example of Jesus.

And I talk about this in the car line mom book. When he went to the Garden of Gethsemane, he said to the disciples, he said, my soul is overwhelmed to the point of death. So, in that moment, Jesus was very honest and transparent about what he was feeling and experiencing as he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing what was coming, knowing that he was about to endure pain beyond what you and I can fathom. We cannot wrap our brains around that, but also to know for the first time in his life, he was going to be separated from his father.

When he was dying on that cross, taking on that sin, he became sin [00:24:00] who knew no sin so that we might become the righteousness of God. So he was honest in that moment. He was honest with his friends, the three disciples he brought with him. I love that he didn’t say, Hey, I got this. I am the savior of the world. It’s going to be fine. He was honest about what he was dealing with. He had his friends with him. And then we see him next go in prayer to his Abba father.

And there he is again, transparent with God. He wasn’t praying this eloquent prayer, with all these big, fancy words. He just said, Hey, Abba father, if this cup can pass for me, let it. Yet not my will, your will be done. So he’s honest with God in prayer. And then he submits himself to the father’s will.

And then he waits there. And I love that. God does not meet him with a point of shame, pointing his fingers, saying, come on, son, you knew this is what your job was. Pull it together. We can see in the other gospels that he sends the angels to strengthen him to walk out his path. So mama, be honest in your [00:25:00] prayers with God, know that he wants you to share that weight with him, to share that weight with those fellow believers in your life.

And then in that moment of prayer, wait, pause, and let God meet you there to love you, to strengthen you, to give you everything you need to take the next step that you have to take. And then the next and the next. As you continue to walk through this season in your life and just know that he will be with you. He loves you. He sees you and he hears every word that you are pouring out to him.

Kelly: I feel like that was a word for me as well. Karis over this past year. God has called me to reemerge into ministry after Five years caregiving for two of my daughters who have chronic Lyme disease but I was also walking out of shame, some of it linked to lies in childhood. Some of it linked to some hurtful things that happened in ministry.

As I developed this new website and [00:26:00] stepped into this world of podcasting, it was took so much courage, but my prayer for a year was Lord, help me say the deepest, truest things to you, and that meant I had to sit for a moment to even pay attention to what I was dealing with. And then as I poured that out that’s where the Lord met me and began to heal me and one of the things I love about the Lord is we don’t have to be afraid to go to these places with him.

And you described beautifully Jesus and how that is illustrated so powerfully in his life.  So thank you.

We’re asking the question, how do we trust God’s heart? How do we connect with his heart when his ways and delays are breaking ours? So I’d love to know how you would answer that question.

Caris:  I really like that question, but I acknowledge that it’s a hard question too, And I’m still learning this, and I’m still growing in this…

I think that the way we can continue to grow just in this knowing that God, He [00:27:00] is steadfast, He doesn’t change, no matter the circumstances. He’ll be that constant in our life. So I think one thing that I’m learning is. No matter what I’m feeling to always go to him, to not be led by my feelings, but to be led by truth because my feelings will change constantly.

They are just, like a roller coaster and he is just a steady path, man. I can just always go to him and look to him. So, if you’re finding yourself there wanting to find that hope, wanting to just keep going, talk to him, be honest. Be transparent, let him know where you’re at. And I love that he meets us there and he reminds us he in the Old Testament and the New Testament, I will never leave you and I’ll never forsake you. And if that was true for them, it’s going to be true for us now. So just hold on to that. He will never leave you and he will never forsake you.

Kelly: Amen. Such a good word. Yeah, and I love that when we open our hearts to his presence, the message he’s [00:28:00] giving us, like you brought up is not, Hey, you need to fix this. It’s I love you so much…. we would see his face light up with delight.. He is just crazy in love with us and he wants us to step into that joy and that affirmation.

Caris: So good.

Kelly: Caris, why don’t you share how people can get in touch with you?

Caris: My website is caris snyder.com, C-A-R-I-S-S-N-I-D-E r.com. And through there you can subscribe to my email. List my email family. I do not spam you with a bunch of emails. I will send you encouragement or, practical tips to help you grow in your faith and mental health.

Kelly: Thank you so much, Karis, for today. This was a gift.

Caris: Thank you for having me. I loved talking with you. I feel like it’s like a friend that I’ve known for so long. So I loved being here today.

Kelly: I know. I wish we lived closer. I do like it’s time to go get some coffee and lunch…. Thanks so much,

[00:29:00] Thanks for listening to the Unshakable Hope Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please subscribe and leave a review. To continue the conversation and for free resources, be sure to visit me at kellyhall. org. Thanks so much.